


Kayary Short Stories

by MsLanna



Category: Star Wars Legends
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-17 15:45:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16519364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsLanna/pseuds/MsLanna
Summary: Kayary is my first OC half human, half Chiss. imagine Salma Hayek with Chiss eyes...Old stuff, re-uploaded to the net because of reasons.There's mentions of underage sex trafficing, nothing graphic or explicit though.The stories are not in chronological order.





	1. A Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2 BBY

My first real and completely mine, mission! And my reward would be this wonderful, exceptional unobtrusive clumsy and ready for the scrap heap: shuttle. What a deal. If my mother knew, well forget about that. Every smuggler needs a ship. If you didn't have one you'd take any, meaning really any, even a half wreck like this. Like I did.

And all I had to do to gain this highly valuable prize was getting from the Pakuuni system to Abregado without getting boarded and hand over my cargo safely to my contact man, woman being. Whatever. That did not sound too complicated, did it now?

Well, the problem only that Abregado was not too far from the Core and had drawn a lot of Imperial attention lately. Not that I cared but I feared that 17 year old girls, no, according to my passport I was already 22. So, what could happen? If they did not scan to closely they would hopefully not find the high energy flux rods in my engine section. Which was a suicidal thing to do anyway.

Though their name was innocent enough those units could turn matter of almost any kind into a surprised huff of flying atoms in no time. Not very legal. Or safe to hide close to larger amounts of high energy/low matter combinations, which my engines basically were. OK, forget about the HIGH energy. It was enough to move this chunk of metal I dared not call a ship. At least the hyperspace engines worked acceptably. I hoped it would keep that way until I had read all the manuals. This thing was a flying miracle to me. I had another two hours until I, hopefully, would return into normal space. So, where have I been, page 23? Sounded good, basic connections, wiring and cable conduct...

Could I get this in the course of two hours? If ever. Anyway I would have to learn, I already thought of this shuttle as being mine.

3, 2, 1, zero and I was back into normal space. Abregado was almost hidden in a cloud of hectic movement caused by a multitude of ships of every size. Even a huge Star Destroyer hung around and vanished slowly behind the planet. What a nice surpass, who knew how many of them already hid there. What the hell was going on here?

My com beeped. "Unidentified ship, this is Abregado ground control. Identify yourself."

My boy! If he spoke a bit more snappy even my transmitters would try to stand to attention. I took my notes and tried to tell him in the deepest voice I could muster, "Ground control, this is Shuttle Ravenswing." Who had thought up that stupid name? "I'm just want to get my ship a complete overhaul."

At least that was very likely. If this heap of junk wasn't checked soon it would probably just fall apart. Silence followed. And then more silence, only interrupted by statics which were generally around. I prayed they would let me pass. I prayed my cover was good enough. I swore I would put up an altar to a good of my choice and joined his cult if I got away alive.

"Shuttle Ravenswing, this is ground control, shut down your engines immediately and prepare to be taken aboard the freighter Skyler."

What? If this was the new form of Imperial humor it was totally lost on me. "Could you please repeat that?" Great, now I had fallen out of my role. I would never make it. I would get fits of hysteria in a minute. If I made it out of here I'd join two religions!

"Shuttle Ravenswing, I repeat. Shut down your engines and prepare to be taken aboard the Skyler!"

"Why?" I almost squeaked into my com.

The operator sounded tired. "The emissions of you engines show readings which imply that an explosion is at hand if you do not shut down immediately."

There was my hysteria. Everything upon this Imperial space trash was defective and showed interesting readings. The only exception were the engines! They were perfectly normal if you ignored the high energy flux rods which, because of their emissions had been – stored in the engines – section... Shit! Those emissions would continue even if I shut down my engines and then would surely betray me. The end was close at hand.

 _I need a very convincing explanation very soon_ , I thought as I powered up my engines again. Why did I not know anything about this flying piece of crap. I needed some kind of connection default, patched up repair attempt, a great whatsoever which would conceal my cargo's emissions.

"Shuttle Ravenswing, deactivate engines immediately!"

That sounded serious. In a frenzy I dug through the manuals. "Ground Control, this is Shuttle Ravenswing. No need to worry, everything is under control. the abnormal reading are caused by um, ah, a relays recoupling with w-w-which I tried to override -ride the pri-, pir-, secondary backthrust dampers to, to, to um, ahm put the flux of the, the energy regulators back to standard readings. Um. Yes, ah." 

I hoped this had not been the biggest space junk any pilot had ever said. Although it would help me too, if they died laughing now.

Again silence followed by silence. Slowly I drew closer to the atmosphere. Ye Gods, I think I could get along well with M'Kehr'Orch. He was a little multiwinged creature with lots of teeth and claws. His responsibility was stealth and disguise. I had to think again about the blood offerings though.

"Shuttle Ravenswing," that had taken some time. Had they asked a mechanic for help. "This is Ground Control. You have been assigned to docking bay 24. To get a permission for take of you have to prove that all necessary repairs have been made. Ground Control out."

Statics flowed through my speaker as I relaxed slowly. Maybe my new chosen God had intervened? "Thanks," I muttered when I realized that my docking bay was directly next to the port's police. Well done Kayary! And this was only my first mission. Anyway I was allowed to land unsearched and that was more than I had ten minutes ago.

Even though my position was not the most desirable for a smuggler. Maybe my contact could dress up as a repair team and take away the cargo in containers for spares. Anyway, I was still alive and a happy novice to the cult of M'Kehr'Orch. The second religion I would chose on my way out. A God for an extreme surplus of luck would be adequate

I set down the shuttle as soft as I could. After I recovered from the medium earthquake I went to pluck the flux rods out of my engines. Three boxes were hidden all through the section and it took me as many hours to get them out again. Since the cleaning devices of this space box were as defective as the whole rest I still looked nice dirtball when I went down the ramp. I had another half a day before I was to meet my contact. So I decided to get a meal and compare prices for the overhaul.

The food was – interesting, the prices pure horror but at least the time was spent. The place where I was to meet my contact was on the edge of the port and a pub of the worst kind. Though nobody was obviously a smuggler or mercenary. Maybe, if you asked the right question politely, you might be able to strike a deal. It's looks were of depressing tidiness that could not really hide the underlying shabbiness. The atmosphere was tense, ready to explode into violence as soon as the Imperials turned their watchful eyes away.

I felt their eyes like lasguns in my back while I went to the bar. Most likely none of them had ever seen someone with glowing red eyes before. Just as always, just like me. The blaster at my side made confident, but only the Microblaster in my sleeve gave me a feeling of safety as I felt the reassuring pressure of it's leather holster against my arm.

The human barkeeper served drinks with an air of complete disinterest and took his time before he offered his service to me. I had the bad feeling my age was written over me with big red letters. But the spiced tea he finally served me was fine, very hot and with a dash of juice. It was numbing my taste buds softly.

"Hey, Sweetie!" A tall man appeared next to me, broad shouldered, strong and as shabby as the pub. I wondered how he came to call me Sweetie. "Spiced tea," he said with half a nod towards my cup. "Guess I could show you something even more spicy." A suggestive grin spread over his face.

Resisting the urge to kick him hard into soft places I just folded my hands around my cup, trying to ignore him.

"Ah, don't you worry Sweetie, me's Gand," he extended a large hand. "Gand the Gorgeous. And if you don't mind I can show you the better parts of local nightlife."

That was the code. So this 'gorgeous' Gand was my contact. I hoped my reluctance didn't show as I took his hand. "Kayary," I said, trying not to be shook from my chair.

"Kayary What?” He asked, obviously expecting some tag like his 'the Gorgeous'.

Desperately I tried to think up something but only one name kept coming up in my mind, unwanted and uncalled for, the last remnant of an unhappy past. "Demonchild", I finally bit out.

His look at my eyes told me that he got the connection. I tried hard to pierce him with them but it didn’t seem to work. Then I remembered my appointed reply, “Let’s take this slow, and start with a private corner here, right?” I nodded into the general direction of more private booths.

After he had ordered and gotten a huge mug of a strong smelling ale he dragged me into a dim corner and almost flung me onto a seat. “So, where’s your ship landed?” he asked gruffly.

I swallowed before I answered timidly: “Bay 24.” I was grateful of the semi darkness which prevented me from seeing his expression clearly.

“And why is that?” his tone was even less friendly than before if that was possible.

“The shuttle,” I started falteringly, “it, it is so damaged, they wouldn’t let me down anywhere else. I’m glad they allowed me to land at all.” I paused but since he didn’t answer I continued explaining my misery. “I can’t even lift again before I can’t prove all repairs have been done. It’s a great mess.” And I was not sure if I meant only the shuttle or my whole situation. Now I could feel him stare at me. I was probably the most incompetent smuggler apprentice he had ever seen.

“Don’t you say,” he almost purred for no reason I could see. His sudden change of mood confused me. “Well, Sweetie, maybe your new friend Gand can help you out of this!”

The friendly tone frightened me more than his former gruffness. “I might just know somebody who can give you, hmmm, credit.”

The pause before credit made me uneasy. What was he aiming at?

“If you stay here and keep a low profile, I will take care of the cargo and at the same time contact my friend, who could be your,” another brief pause, “benefactor. What do you think, Sweetie? Ready to see the Gorgeous Gand performing a little miracle for you?”

I was taken by surprise and had a rather bad feeling about this sudden altruism. Still I couldn’t think of any better idea. I had not yet given thought of how to pay for the overhaul. I would get no money since the shuttle was the payment, but even if I wanted to sell it the probability was high that I would not find anybody willing to buy it. But, well, how bad could it be. He’d said credit after all and I should be able to work that off sooner or later. I dared a nod, not sure if I really wanted this but feeling trapped nevertheless.

The broad grin spreading over his face almost split his head as he put his hand on my shoulder. “Don’t you worry, Sweetie! Gand will not let you down. Though I will, of course need the datakey to your ship.”

Reluctantly I handed him the key wondering what I was slipping into.

“I’ll be back in no time,” he assured me and was off.

I clenched my fingers around the codecard for the engines and systems until my knuckles turned white. Maybe he was a good hacker, too, and my precaution was vain? How fast could he break into the systems and steal the shuttle. Taken he wanted it at all. My only hope was that it was much too screwed up to be of any interest. I tried hard to keep my head from going into a mad spin. What happened had happened and any damage was done already. Maybe I would get stuck here with nothing. The way I started when my mother had died. But this time I was more experienced. It would be much easier on this planet too. I tried not to think about a future in which Gand had gone off with the shuttle.

I wanted to come around a lot, wanted to get down to serious and more profitable business, make loads of money, hoard wealth of all kinds. And in the end settle down somewhere to spend the rest of my days in lavish luxuries. Maybe somewhere in that time I might even find the people of my father. Though I was not sure if it would win me anything. I would still be a bastard, and for their eyes as strange as to those of humans. I would not put my faith into a strange people nobody had ever seen before. The times when I had waited for the rich family of my father to appear and bring us away were long gone. Even longer than my mother. So I had to make it on my own. And I would. If Gand was trying to get the ship I would find him someday and make him regret. If I ever got away from here again then.

I sat with my hands clenched around my cup for what seemed to be ages. The remnants of my spiced tea were long cold before Gand returned. He was in a suspiciously good mood, humming to himself like a defective generator. He sat down, ordered another mug of beer and opened a small pad.

“This is your cargo confirmation." He opened a file saying he got the appointed cargo completely and undamaged and that I had been paid properly. “If you just type your confirmation code now, we can close this matter.” I was glad that a least one of my problems dissolved as I closed the transfer. As soon a I raised my hands form the keys Gand snatched the pad out under my fingers.

“Very well, and now for your ‘credit’.” He put the pad back in front of me after changing the datacard, placing my datakeys beneath it. “This is a little contract which will ensure that all the repairs at you ship will be paid for.” He procured an old-fashioned document of paper. “You just sign here,” he gave me a pen, “and everything is settled. The form of repayment,” he must have seen my changing expression because he quickly added, “only monetary, Sweetie, nothing, um, improper. Well, terms and dates for the repayment are on this datacard, which you can keep, of course."

He slipped the card out of the pad into my hand, closing my fingers over it. I looked at it silently. Then I read the paper. But it only said that I had read and accepted the terms given and that I was not forced to subscribe. It looked legal and straight forward enough. “And the terms…” I began.

But Gand interrupted me immediately: “Only the usual stuff, interest, compound interest, deadlines, end of the contract and the like.”

I thought about that. Not that I saw many alternatives. I could either sign or be stuck here for who knew how long. I didn’t like the latter idea, and not only because an incident like that had cost my fathers life. I hadn’t even known him. And it was not so very likely that you could still get burned at the stake for religious reasons on this planet, but still. I wanted to keep going. Get myself a name after I had finally a ship. Do something, be someone.

Idly I played with the pen. This was probably the best chance I’d get for some time. And I could not come up with any better idea. I hardened myself as I set my name under the contract. Gand grinned and rolled it up quickly.

“There you go, sweetie. The line for the money is on the card, with all necessary data about your new employer.” He stood up, emptied the beer with a single gulp and was off.

I still held the pen and felt more than a little uneasy. After a while I got myself and stuff together. After all I made it this far. No matter what came, I had left the chunk of dirt which did not even have a name to be called by. I had gone to the stars! And I would never let myself be tied down again!

As I looked for a nice workshop I tried to think up a new name for the shuttle. Something really impressive which fitted to my own new/old name. Out here I would change its meaning from gutter to glorious. And so I found myself walking down the streets almost humming.

 

* * *

  


Exhausted I leaned against the closed hatch of the Starkiller. The officials of the space port had just left, satisfied with the more than expensive repairs I had to show. And they had found nothing to object to. I was as good as gone. The next thing would be to repay my credit and earn enough to upgrade her a little. With a smile I got her ready for lift off, enjoying the completely different sound of my engines. My take off was shaky but nobody seemed to care. Anyway I didn’t damage anything…

Now I only needed a second religion to join. ‘But something really weird and dying out’, I thought. I would find something fitting out there. Maybe sooner then I expected.

With a sigh of relief I let go of the hyperdrive lever. I had made! I had really done it, earned the shuttle being still alive and free. I looked at my contract. How very nice of this guy to give me credit. I would honor that benevolence with repaying quickly. Maybe even with a little loyalty. You could never know. “Jabba the Hutt” I reread the name. Well, the rest would be a piece of cake.


	2. Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Kayary got off her home planet Ilum.  
> 5 BBY

There was a stranger in the village.

It was the most strange and wonderful thing ever to happen, and I was so mad at Kona for making me do the laundry after school. I hated school with a passion, like most everything else on this planet, and I was beyond the teachers most of the time, anyway.

I had outsmarted them, playing them for dumb whenever it suited me. Languishing in the boring classes, I dreamt of flying away to the stars. The enthusiasm of finding the Crystal Caves had worn down after only a few weeks of waiting, and a disappointed but stubborn resignation had taken its place.

And now, at the age of fourteen, I had surpassed everybody of the same age in just about everything. I had outgrown them having already reached my final height of 1.70 metres, along with developing all the curves my body would ever get. Though it was not abundant, and secretly I still hoped for more.

And I had to do the laundry while the stranger I had waited for so long was in the village. I had seen the man after school, on my way home. He looked young, because the cold and glaring light of Ilum had not taken its toll on him. Still, I guessed he was not as young as he seemed.

And he looked good – if you could tell that from the other side of the market place. His reddish-brown hair had shone in the sun, a few strands dancing in the wind, and I was sure there were streaks of cinnamon and gold in it. Not that I would find out any time soon.

Of course Kona meant well. She knew that I hated being in the village and would gladly take any opportunity to get away. Whacking the laundry onto the stones at the river was usually one of the chores I liked – opposed to going to the grocer. And she never asked where I went when I vanished for those long times when I spent a day in the cave.

I still went to the cave regularly. What else could I do? What other hope did I have? But for a whole year nothing had happened, and afterwards things didn’t get any more interesting. The caves were doing their best to bore me out of my wits and make me leave again. To kill time I had begun to make kaleidoscopes out of the crystals I found. It was more fun than anything the village had to offer.

At first the devices had been crude. Small tubes filled with ragged fragments of mirror that didn't match the least and filled with too many of the crystals that clogged the tube and hindered each other. Not to mention the pieces of murky duraplast I used that let only very little light through and turned the first attempts into horrid displays of incompetence.

But the work had kept me from the village, and that was all that counted. And that was Kona's reason for sending me off with the laundry, too. With a sigh, I went to the river and began whacking the wet cloth onto the frozen stones using more force than usual.  


* * *

 

When I got home from washing, Kona was already waiting with dinner. I had little choice but to sit down and eat. I was sliding on my chair restlessly, unable to restrain my anticipation. Fortunately, Kona was washing the dishes tonight, and I could run off as soon as the table was cleared.

I ran directly to the village square. There was only one place where the stranger could have gone to: the cantina. It was not much of a place, only a room where Kento served the sour and bitter wine made from the only grapes that ripened in the very short summer and almost non-existent autumn. In good years he distilled a strong liquor from that, a part of which he sold to Kona for her medicines.

For a long time I only stood in front of Kento's door. I never went there, much less on my own, and I didn't feel happy about having to be here. But I had to see that stranger. I simply had to.

Eventually, I opened the door and stepped inside. And there he was, standing at the bar, chatting with the grocer. The stranger looked very much out of place with his long hair and finely-cut clothes. You could tell from parsecs away that he did not come from here.

But there he was, holding a glass of that abominable wine in one of his long-fingered hands and talking to Kento as if he had been living here forever. I could only stare.

"Hey, you!" Kento bellowed at me. "Get out – we don't serve kids in here!"

But I couldn't move. My eyes were fixed on the strange man, who finally turned to see what the commotion was. His face seemed even paler in the dim lights of the cantina, and I had never seen features like his before. They seemed perfectly symmetrical, high cheekbones, full lips, dark eyes --

"Hey, demonspawn!" Kento pulled me out of my thoughts. "If you don't get moving I'll happily help you. I'll throw you all the way back home, understood?"

The stranger curled one corner of his mouth up in half a smile. I blushed ferociously and stumbled backwards out of the door, the smile of the stranger still burning in my memory. For a long time I hung about the corners of the market place, waiting to see if he'd come out, but when I began to freeze all the way to my bones I went home in dejection.  


* * *

 

After school on the next day, I kept behaving strangely in the eyes of everybody else. I stayed close to the market place and tried to see the stranger whose existence everybody denied. When I dared ask one of my fellow pupils about the strange man, she looked at me as if I were crazy and told me with deep conviction that there was no stranger around, and that I was getting ever more crazy. It was maddening.

So I hung out with the others on the square after school earning more than the usual share of insults. But he didn't come. Not even close.

When I couldn't bear the comments anymore, I went home, thinking. If he really was an off-worlder, and of that I was sure, he needed a ship. So if I could find the ship, I'd see him again sooner or later, too. In my mind I marked all places in the vicinity big enough to park even a small ship, determined to search them all after lunch.  


* * *

 

It was in vain. I had looked at all places I knew and found nothing. Tiredly, I went home at dusk, not daring to take another look into the cantina. But this was fate calling off-planet, and when I had given up, I saw him, coming in my direction across the market place.

Gathering all my courage I went up to him. "You are a stranger, aren't you?"

He looked at me intently. "No, I'm not. I have always been here."

I was stumped. Did he believe that, too? That would be incredible. "No, you have not," I insisted. "You are an off-worlder."

This time he regarded me even longer. "I come from a different village on Ilum, that is all," he claimed then, waving one of his finely manicured hands in front of my face.

"There are no other villages on this planet," I stated flatly. "You are an off-worlder."

"You are mistaken, I  _am_ from Ilum." He waved his hand before my face again. 

Fascinated with it, I took it in mid-weave to get a better look at it. But there seemed to be nothing special about it at all. It was just a hand. A slim hand with long, thin fingers. No blisters or anything blemished on them. You’d never get away with a hand like that on Ilum.

I must have stared, because he pulled back his hand in a rather unfriendly fashion. He stared at me for a while, and I felt the blood rise in my cheeks. Despite my best efforts, I just had to lower my head. I shuffled my feet in embarrassment.

“Sorry,” I mumbled. “Didn’t want to stare.”

He freed his hand and took my chin between his index finger and thumb, looking closely at me. I felt my cheeks flush hotly as he forced me to look at him and stared into my eyes.

"Has anybody ever told you that you are special?" he wanted to know suddenly.

"Like being spawned by a demon and bringing bad luck?" I asked, acutely aware of his long fingers on my chin.

"No." He stretched the vowel, while he turned my face from side to side. "I was thinking of something more – interesting."

"I, um, no - I  mean," I stuttered. My stomach began to burn under his intense gaze. "I'm not very interesting," I finally managed lamely. I must have been a pretty ridiculous sight, trying to look at my feet and into his eyes at the same time.

He glanced me up and down with a slow, deliberate movement of his head, and my skin began to prickle all over. I wished very much to be free of his grip, though I was not quite sure what I wanted to do with that freedom.

"What I see is rather interesting, though." A smile lightened up his face. "I might just keep an eye on you."

With that, he finally let go of my chin, I stood there, thunderstruck, as he turned and went into the cantina. My whole body felt as if it were on fire, and I did not know what to do with myself. Jump around wildly and shout, one part of my brain said; run fast and far, another suggested. Completely confused, I went home.

Kona had dinner ready when I arrived, but I had no appetite. I shoved the food around on my plate until she regarded me with worried eyes.

"Are you not feeling well?" she asked.

I shook my head, but didn't answer. Putting down my fork, I stood up and went to my room. I must have looked really bad, because, even though it was my turn, Kona didn't call on me to wash the dishes. She even brought a small plate with sweet bread and flavoured water to my room.

What did I care? My mind was spinning mad circles around the brown-eyed stranger with the silky hair. Even when I tried hard not to think of him -- something drew my thoughts back irresistibly. Tossing and turning on my bed, I wondered if there was anything I could give him.  


* * *

 

In the morning my decision was made. I had only one thing worth anything, and that was the kaleidoscopes. I would break some of them apart to make one that matched the brown and gold colours of his hair and eyes.

The thought occupied me all morning. While my body was enduring its time in school, my mind was already at my workbench choosing materials, designs, and tools. So when I finally got the chance to hole up in my room, all I had to do was actually  _do_ it. In my head I already had a clear picture of the result and the work leading up to it.

It took longer than I had thought. In my mind everything had seemed so easy, so quick. But my clumsy fingers didn't work as well as I had believed they would. When I finally finished, the sun was already low, casting long shadows across the ground. I hurried to the village square, hoping I would see him before I was too frozen. Though he could probably thaw me out again with those eyes.

Luck was with me. After only a few minutes of hanging out in a suspicious way, I could see him come from the cantina. I watched him over the square, unsure how to approach him. I didn't even know his name. But he relieved me of the dilemma.

"Ah, if that is not the pretty snow demon," he called to me, and for the first time in my life, the word "demon" did not hurt. I felt my cheeks flush again as I slowly approached him, the kaleidoscope clasped behind my back.

He leaned towards me, and I could feel his lips almost brush my ear, smell the overwhelming scent of his skin, sense the silky texture of his hair….

"You should be more careful, Kayary," he whispered into my ear. "You know nothing about me." He straightened up again, a smile spreading over his face.

I felt so silly suddenly, and the kaleidoscope such a childish thing to think of. I wished I hadn't brought it. I wished I hadn't built it. I wished he wouldn't notice. But no such luck.

"And what is it you're hiding behind your back?" he asked softly.

Squirming and more than reluctant, I showed him the kaleidoscope. It was such a stupid thing to bring. So damn childish. I wished I were dead. But he didn't let me get away so easily. Carefully he took it out of my hands, glancing at it only briefly. Then he dismissed me with a motion of his head, pointing into the direction of my home.

I bolted. At least as much as that is possible when you're trying to run backwards -- and trying not take your eyes off the one you're running from. Somehow I managed it, though. Out of breath, I arrived at home, my heart pounding with more than just the effort.

Even though I had as little hunger as the  evening before, I made sure that I ate enough, so I wouldn't worry Kona. The last thing I needed now was for her to develop motherly concern. Without a word I cleaned the dishes, tidied up the kitchen, and got ready for bed. At least  _there[_ nobody could get to me. My bed was my haven, the asylum in which I could roll into a ball and pretend not to be. 

Huddled under my blanket, I tried to sort through my feelings and thoughts. They were all twisted and knotted, and the strange off-worlder was at their centre. I knew that I would have to greatly improve my approach if I wanted to get him to take me along. Brooding over my plans, I fell asleep.

With a snap the window burst open, but before I could react in any way, a dark figure had swung through the frame. A hand closed over my mouth as I was pinned to the bed with the weight of a stranger's body.

“It’s me,” the voice of the off-worlder came softly, and the hand was taken from my face. At the same time the weight was lifted from me, and in the dim light I could see him sitting down on the edge of my bed. His features were almost obscured in the darkness, but a star managed to mirror itself in his eyes.

I wondered what he might be doing here, in the middle of the night, sitting almost motionless on my bed. Only then did I realize that he was not actually sitting motionless. When he turned again to face me, there was frighteningly little clothing left on him. I stiffened all over as he stretched out next to me.

There was heat radiating from him, not the crucial few degrees that turned men into living hot-water bottles for women, but something raw and untamed that terrified me. Then his lips bore down on mine, and I clamped my mouth shut tight, before my cerebellum took over. By the time he had peeled me out of the blankets, instincts old as humanity had drowned out everything else.

Exhausted, raw, and utterly confused, I lay awake in my bed, unable to sleep. Sometimes my body began to shake and shiver violently, but not because of the cold that was pouring in through the still-open window. I was sure I couldn't fall asleep again, but when Kona woke me, scolding me for leaving the window open, I realized that I must have at some point.  


* * *

 

He waited for me after school. My heart pounded madly in my breast when I approached him, the prickly feeling spreading again all over my skin. But he did not reach out to embrace me, or even touch me. He only smiled at me and asked, "Do you have a little time for me?" A mischievous twinkle glittered in his eyes.

My mind felt as feverish as my body as I stood next to him, my head swirling with the to-do list for today. "Right now?" I asked stupidly.

"If you could manage." Softly he place a hand on my shoulder. "I'd like to see where you got those pretty stones you put in the kaleidoscope."

I nodded, wondering if I could ask to bring my things home first. But he looked so happy at the prospect of wandering off with me that I decided against it. Still, there was one thing I had to do first, painful as it might be. I braced myself; I simply  _had[_ to know. "If I –  if I show you, will you take me with you?"

His eyes showed surprise and hurt. Softly he took my chin in his and looked into my eyes. "How do you come to think that I would ever leave you behind, pretty?" His voice was no louder than a whisper, and he leaned towards me until his lips touched my ear. "I will not leave here without you, I promise."

His lips tickled my ear as he spoke, and I felt my whole body blush and go on fire. When suddenly his tongue marked a wet circle inside my ear I almost bolted. It felt as if I'd tapped into high current, I began to shake all over.

"Call me Hethrir," he told me softly before he straightened again. "So shall we go?"

Without waiting for an answer, he began to walk into the direction of the caves. Still shaking, I followed him, my satchel pressed tightly to my chest. I would get off this planet. And soon. Maybe even this week. What would Kona say, when I told her? What would everybody else say?

He didn't talk to me at all on the way to the caves, except for the one time he asked me to take the lead. I felt his eyes on me as I walked in front of him, hoping my gait was not awkward, and that my butt didn't look too large under the heavy cloak.

When we finally reached the caves, he simply stood, looking around for a long time. I watched him nervously, hoping I had not disappointed him. Between the last night and his promise never to leave me behind, I was certain that he would take me along, but that did little to ease my desire to please him.

There was a big smile on his face as he turned around. He came up to me, embraced me, whispered into my ear. "And you just knew where it was?"

I shook my head a slightly, not wanting to break the embrace. "I looked for it for a long time, and one day, when I had already given up, I found it."

"You did not search for it consciously?" he wanted to know.

"No, I just wandered around, letting me blow with the wind."

"But your thoughts were still focused on it?"

I wondered about those questions. What difference would it make, anyway? I snuggled up to him, whispering, "They were. It was all I had been thinking about for days."

I felt his hands working their way under my coat, felt his whole body pressed up against mine. And suddenly his lips were again on mine, forcing them open, demanding. After a few steps backwards I felt my back closing in on the wall, which was just as well, because I felt my knees slowly giving in. With my last conscious thought I wondered if we wouldn't freeze to death.

It took him a long time to take inventory of the cave and the crystals lying there. Carefully he chose some of different colours, holding them against the light, trying to break them, feeling their contours. He looked almost tender when he touched the crystals. The raw fire I felt when he touched me seemed completely gone, and I wondered what it would feel like if he touched  _me_ like this.

Finally he was finished. He came up to me, took my hand, and led me out of the caves. Again he did not say a word, and I was irritated at his behaviour, and scared that I had somehow displeased him, even though I hadn't done anything. Maybe that was just it.

Silently I followed him back towards the village, but before we reached it, he veered off. Confused, I stopped at the crossing, looking at him questioningly. He did not mean to leave right now, did he? I would get time to say goodbye to Kona, and get some of my things, wouldn't I? But I felt that I would not, that it was now or never.

"This is the moment of truth," he told me, looking very serious. "The point of the final decision. What will you choose? The past?" He looked into the direction of the village. "Or the future?

Torn, I stood a while, looking back and forth between him and the village. "The future," I said finally, tossing my satchel in the direction of the village. "The future."

 

* * *

 

His ship was just big enough for the two of us. There was only one bunk bed, but I didn't care. Actually, I rather liked the prospect of snuggling up with him there. He let me sit in the co-pilot's seat while he took off, and I watched the blue-white sphere of Ilum drop away under us. I felt exhilarated as well as sad when there were only stars left to be seen as Hethrir pointed the vessel away from the planet.

_Great, not even gone yet, and already homesick,_ I scolded myself. I tried to be sure that there would be plenty of time for coming back and visiting later. I watched attentively as Hethrir ran the systems, his face full of concentration and starlight.  _One day,_ I promised myself. O _ne day I would be able to do that, too. All on my own, and then the galaxy would be mine. Mine and Hethrir's,_ a voice chimed in, and I wondered how I could have forgotten about him.

Hethrir and I – I felt a blush and smile creep over my face – I and Hethrir. That was a future, indeed. Suddenly the stars stretched into thin, bright lines, and then all that could be seen though the transparisteel was a twisting and turning veil of bluish light. Fascinated, I watched the movement – it had an almost hypnotizing effect on me.

"Now," Hethrir broke into my thoughts, "let us have a little chat about your special abilities."

He smiled and took my hand, leading me to a small lounge. Like everything else aboard that I had seen so far, it was small, but furnished exquisitely. The floor was laid with dark wood, and not a bit of metal showed under the hangings on the walls. The room was lit almost dimly by overhead glow panels that gave off warm red, orange, and yellow light.

He took seat in one of the plush arm chairs and pulled me down at his side softly. Readily I laid my head in his lap, feeling the reassuring touch of his hands on my head.

"I have none," I admitted meekly, hoping that he would not be angry with me. "It's all just nasty talk of the villagers."

"This is not what I am talking about," he assured me, stroking my hair. I was very much tempted to close my eyes and purr. "I am talking about how you found the caves, and how you knew I would come. I am sure that those were not the only things you knew before they happened."

I sighed softly. How in all the stars could I explain that to him? "It was just a feeling," I told him. "Nothing concrete. I just felt it deep inside that I was not meant to stay on that ice cube forever." I rubbed my cheek against his leg. "I just knew, like everybody knows who has a great fate awaiting him."

His hands slowly wandered down my head, starting to fondle my neck. "I can hardly believe that," he murmured. "It can't just have been luck. And why should you be able to tell me for what I am when everybody else could not?"

I feel his hand concentrating on one area of my neck, almost as if he were looking for something there. I shifted uneasily, the pressure being a little uncomfortable.

"You couldn't fool me because we're meant to be together," I stated simply. I could feel his hand hardening around my neck, thumb and middle finger squeezing at my arteries.  _What other reason could there be?_ I wondered as little dots of light began to dance before my eyes.

With a sudden movement, he released me. I lay very still, wondering what might be going on in his mind. It seemed I never could do anything right where he was concerned. I fought back the tears, hoping that everything was all right, but feeling deep down that it wasn't.

He swept me up in a single movement, and immediately I buried my face in his shoulder.  _How could this not be right?_ I tried to tell myself.  _Nothing has changed, he still wants me._

 

* * *

  
Looking down at my shackled hands, I wanted to curse and hurt Hethrir as badly as he had hurt me. But I was too close to tears to do anything but keep those back. How could he sell me after all that had happened? How?

I felt the hot liquid rise in my eyes despite my best efforts. But I would not cry. I. Would. Not. Cry!

Not in front of him. I would never, ever grant him that satisfaction! With all my muscles taut, I stared a hole into the air before me.

"I will take you with me," he had said. He had promised!

And now he had just sold me as if I weren’t worth more than three cans of redberries in syrup. I stared at his turned back while he collected the credits. He did not seem troubled at all, as if selling friends into slavery was everyday business.  _But then, I probably had never been even his friend,_ I thought bitterly.  _A plaything, yes. Amusing_ _–_ _yes, for a while. And now I was just credits in his hand._

He didn’t even turn and shed a last glance when he left. Hethrir just went down the stalls, nonchalantly juggling the newly acquired credits in his hands.

“Move it!” My owner's voice bellowed me back into reality. His measuring stare told me pretty certain which kind of fate was waiting for me, but I couldn’t feel anything about it right now. The wounds Hethrir had torn were still too fresh.

All I wished was that he had loved me. At least a little. At least a tiny little bit. I bit my lip until the blood came.


	3. Side Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes, exactly that story. Cosplaying Thrawn included but not revealed.  
> 2 ABY

Well, somehow it was rather symptomatic for the way my life was going that I should spend the night of my twenty-first birthday in detention rather than having a party. Even when I had things in my grasp, had been so close…

When I set down in my assigned docking bay in Coronet City on Corellia, everything had been fine enough. It was my birthday and I intended to go to town. I had even taken some of my secret money for spending. And to adequately celebrate the day, I had decided to finally wear that gorgeous multilayered red dress a secret admirer had sent me “to match the beauty of my eyes”. Whatever.

When the dress came to me wrapped up all nice and in the hands of an expensive looking courier, I had of course refused it. Gifts like that _never_ come for free and, I have enough to handle already. Astonishingly, there was no opposition; he just went away, leaving me rather relieved… only to have me find the thing placed neatly next to my ramp when I returned to the _Starkiller_. If that was the way of saying “no stings attached”, I wasn’t about to argue. But so far my life never really offered an opportunity to wear it.

Apart from being bright red in varying shades, it felt smooth, very light and soft. Even better than silk, the cloth felt as if it had been spun from cobwebs. I had chosen dark tan-coloured boots to go with it, even though I was sorely tempted to wear high heels. But those were just too impractical and, knowing me, I’d most likely need to run before the day was over. At least, the tan matched my skin almost perfectly and gave me the look of being bare foot.

When I stepped down the ramp, I knew I was looking great for a change. After sealing up the _Starkiller_ , I headed for Treasure Ship Row. It felt good to know that the glances I got were not because of my eyes for once. I had enough of that for more than a lifetime. I straightened my shoulders and ambled along the stalls. Maybe I could get some jewellery to go with the dress.

I stopped at a small stand and looked at the necklaces and earrings. The gems sparkled alluringly in the sun and seemed to be genuine as well. But I didn’t want them to be red. Maybe my taste lacked elegance, but I wanted blue – deep, cold and dark blue. You can’t beat contrasts, after all. The keeper was a shabby-looking human who followed me with his eyes all the time. There was a hopeful look in his eyes, and I knew that any moment now he’d offer me something, help most likely.

“If you looked more closely at this piece -” And he pointed at a huge gold and red collar - “you’d realize how well it matches your tan and dress.” 

Did I mention that I liked contrast? I shot a causal glance at it and shook my head. “I was thinking about something in blue”, I replied. “Dark blue and not so – big.”

Yes, I wanted a little of my neck to be seen, no question. I followed his gaze over the jewellery and saw him come to my conclusion – namely, that most of his wares were gold, which didn’t match too well with blue. But before he could even think of trying to change my mind, I had already wandered off to the next jewellery stall.

Happily strolling down the road, I was quite enjoying myself when disaster appeared. Seated on a chair in a small tap-cafe, arms crossed over his chest was -- Boba Fett! That spelled trouble, no doubt. If Jabba had found out about the progress of my little sideway finances and decided to be unpleasant about it – unpleasant enough to put Fett on my trail….

I was so deep in thought that it took me some time to realize that my feet had not stopped walking. I began to slow down, my gaze still glued on the armour, when it hit me like lightning, only that it felt a lot better. I had seen Fett often enough at Jabba’s to know his Mandalorian armour when I saw it. This was not it! From the looks it might have been Jodo Kast, but him, here? And now? 

Well, who cared, as long as he was not Fett.

With a relieved sigh, I came to a halt in the crowd that had now gathered to watch a Tunroth and a human starting a fight with a group of rough-looking mercenaries. I stopped to watch as well. Hey, it was a nice show, and for free. But soon the two were down and the mercs formed up around them. Before they could finish it off, an argument arose between the mercs and Kast, who seemed to have objections to the outcome of the fight. Maybe he was somehow connected to the two downed nerf herders.

Then the mercenary who was talking to Kast tried to draw his blaster in the middle of a sentence. And all with a sudden the older man next to me drew his blaster as well. I almost jumped and wondered why the hell he had to involve himself and possibly put me in danger, too, if his opponents had problems aiming? But the merc fortunately thought better of it and froze, his weapon not yet clear of the holster. Seemed he wanted to talk his way out.

I had only just begun to relax, when suddenly he tried to draw his blaster again. But even before I realized what he was doing as a brilliant flash caught his hand and gun. Sithspawn! Where had that come from? Fortunately, not the man beside me, who seemed to be as surprised as myself. A quick look around revealed that it had come from Kast. The guy was fast, alright - too fast for the mercenary, who then called his buddies back. They left, some of them still had problems walking.

When they had left, Kast stood up and looked at the bystanders. “The show’s over”, he said, letting his gaze sweep over them. Even though I could not see his eyes, I knew he was pausing at each blaster, that had come to his aid. And on me.

I know it is difficult to tell where somebody wearing Mandalorian armour actually is looking, but I felt it, as if his eyes were burning through the orange visor, scorching my skin.

“Stay and buy a drink, or get moving”, he demanded and the crowd obediently began to scatter. 

Brooding, I wandered off. Of course I could just be imagining things here, but usually I made up nicer stuff –  much nicer, and I hadn’t gotten where I was (wherever [i]that[/i] was I thought bitterly) by ignoring my hunches. Even if my brain might be slow at the uptake sometimes, I could rely on my intuition. Mostly.

I began to look at the stalls again. There was still some time to spend shopping before I had to get myself accommodations that would include all comforts I wanted.  


* * *

 

I couldn’t remember when I had spent a whole day shopping the last time. But didn’t remember it being so exhausting. Carefully I inspected the blade of the transparisteel knife the shop owner had given me. The corrugations in it were almost invisible, as were the shallow grooves carved alongside it. I followed them down to he hilt with my finger. The crossguard was slightly curved outward, so the drained blood would not affect my grip. A fine weapon, I decided. I let my eyes wander, while the Aqualian got out several sets of straps to attach the knife to different parts of the body, and a boot-sized version. 

Dusk was already gathering, and the weapon stall was almost the last one open on this side road. So when I saw the man from the incident at the tap-café approaching, it was no wonder I recognized him immediately. He was accompanied by man in a brown jacket with short hair who did not seem to be to happy about whatever they were doing. Pretending to examine the straps, I watched them pass me by, apparently without recognizing me. Though I didn’t know why, I was relieved and returned my attention to the small knife.

Just when I had about forgotten the two, Kast appeared. Casually he walked down the street, seemingly unconnected to the two men who had just passed. He didn’t look around, but that did not have to mean he wasn’t seeing everything under that Mandalorian helmet. I tried to concentrate on the knife and the shop keeper. It was nothing special to meet the same people twice a day. Certainly not in such a lively place as this, I tried to tell myself.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see him stop at a convenient spot that allowed him to survey most of the alley, facing in the general direction his two friends had taken. So he was acting as a rear guard. So what? Trying to keep my nervousness at bay, I ordered the shop owner to pack the stuff up and deliver it to my docking bay. Kast stood almost motionless, making a good job of blending into the background. I should have noticed earlier, I chided myself, that he chose a corner of a shop displaying life sized body armour.

And he was so conveniently situated that he could watch me as well. But this was not the time to develop a full-fledged paranoia. Even if the Empire was the perfect place to do so, I would not. Not here. Not now. Not ever. Treasure Ship Row was a public place, and it was not, repeat not, unusual to see somebody more than once. Not unusual at all.

Still I had the feeling that his eyes were glowing under the helmet, illuminating the orange visor from within. Boring into my back. I didn’t like it. I couldn’t prove anything, but the nagging feeling did not let off. I wished I could go at him and shout at him. That would make me feel better. But right now, I did not have that option. [i]Some other day[/i], I promised myself. 

Instead I straightened myself as far as possible and lifted my chin a few notches. There was no reason I should show any of my uneasiness to this crayfish wannabe. With a last glance from the corner of my eye, I stalked off. It was definitely time to seek out nobler hunting grounds.  


* * *

  
The casinos of Treasure Ship Row rated from hovels filled with low-level scum level to splendid palaces for the rich. For tonight, I had sworn myself I would get access to one of the latter, no matter what. With swift steps I passed the less classy establishments. I would not be content with flaking paint jobs, flickering lights or gruff service. At least once in my life I wanted to afford classy entertainment. At least once.

The lights of the “Diamond’s Den” were blinking the most invitingly as I passes it by on my survey. The letters shone a bright blue, running over a huge illuminated diamond with golden edges. Smaller diamonds of all colours blinked on and off merrily around the lettering, promising quick wealth.

But this was not what triggered my decision. It was the pages in their crisp uniforms standing to almost attention at the side of the doors, giving all customers a quick glance over before they opened the double doors wide. It was obvious they were professionals, and thorough ones at that. The customers entering all seemed to be very well-off and, if not respected, still rich enough to give a good imitation of it.

I straightened up and tried to imagine myself self-assuredly walking through those guarded doors. Certainly I was not the kind of customer they wanted to attract, so my show had to be convincing. And I had heard that good looks could get a woman almost anywhere. Fine. Today I was a woman; time to go anywhere.

The pages bowed deep as they gallantly opened the double doors for me. They had looked me up and down, bowed, and then opened the doors. I could not believe it. What demon had ridden them, to…actually I didn’t want to know.

Being inside felt much better than I had thought. In a small reception area with marbled floors, walls and columns, a friendly woman asked me to name the amount of money I intended to change. Of course I saw the small frown – which she immediately tried to hide – when I named the sum. It was most likely a lot below average. But I was not thrown out. So far.

I took my chips, which were also used for paying inside the casino, and set off. The casino itself consisted of a huge round hall, partly covered in a thick, cream-coloured carpet that made me glad I had not chosen high heels. The outer ring was elevated a few steps and made up of smaller compartments, housing mainly sabbacc tables. The centre floor was taken by several huge tables of Rodian Roulette, different set up for different dice games and a long, curved bar.

Before I got myself a fancy drink, I made a complete round of the room, looking not only for a table with low stakes but also appropriate consorts for the night. And, as should be the case in such a high-class environment, I found only one of the first, but several of the latter. I only had to choose.

Smiling I passed my favourite target, a tall, well muscled blond, closely enough to see the colour of his eyes. Grey. Of course, I’d have to repeat that action later on, when he was not so focused on his cards. Bent over his hand like that, it was unlikely he saw anything beyond the reaches of his table.

Casually I strolled to the table with conveniently low stakes which additionally offered a good view on my targeted man. I slid into an empty chair, stacked some chips in front of me, and nodded a short greeting to the group. At least I didn’t have to win tonight. That might give the game a whole new spin.

After a few games, I hadn’t actually won anything, but hadn’t really lost much, either. And the sabbacc pot was growing – not that my current hand with an eight of staves, eleven of flasks and the face card Endurance wouldn’t go anywhere either. I glanced sideways at my prey, but he was still completely engulfed in his own game. Time to lose some more money.

Luck changed a few rounds later, when I could finally claim the pot with a neat six of flasks, the Star and the Fool. Grinning happily, I grabbed my winnings, which were quite a lot for me, though probably not much to the other customers. My first impulse was to take my winnings and go my happy way, but a side glance at the other players showed that this might not be the wisest decision. Besides, my quarry still hadn’t moved. If he didn’t start disentangling himself soon, I’d have to look for somebody else.

With a silent sigh I turned my attention back to the game, reckoning how much of my winnings would be an acceptable loss before I made off with the remainder. None of my next hands amounted to much, and I just wanted to get up and going.

When I felt safe enough to leave my table, my winnings had reduced more than I should have liked. Still I had an amount that, with careful reckoning, could last me the whole evening, if I didn’t manage to catch a man. I glanced again into the direction of the grey-eyed blond.

This time he seemed to be getting ready to leave. Carefully laying a course that would intercept his at a convenient point, I went off, my nose buried in my winnings. Nothing like bumping into one of them carefully and taking it from there. The reaction always was a telltale sign to show if he’d be ready for taking.

I bumbled along, carefully monitoring Blondie’s progress, and just when he took the last step into the main floor I bounced in.

“Oh, I’m sorry”, I murmured in false embarrassment, then shyly looked up. 

Close up, his grey eyes were even more intense, and I kept my fingers crossed. With a firm grip, he took my arm as I pretended to stumble, looked at me and smiled. “No worry – nothing happened.”

I wanted to reply the usual “Well, then, it better hurry,” but I thought the better of it. He looked as if he wouldn’t take well to being picked up. OK, so lets pretend he’s doing the picking.

I stumbled helplessly in his grip, eyes cast down, with a proper amount of eye batting. Then I pulled myself together, pushed my credits into his direction, and happily announced: “See? I won!”

“Indeed.” His voice was deep and pleasant, though nothing special. I tried to beam at him with joy, all happy innocence and probable virginity. “And a nice amount, as well”, he continued still smiling. 

Gotcha! No way in all the Sith hells this would make a “nice amount” here. It’s pocket money at best. Pocket money. May the Force be with my youthful looks always; he must have thought I’m a rich girl spending her pocket money on a night out. Wonderful.

I beamed a little more and chatted excitedly about the experience of actually playing sabbacc. He looked pleased, introduced himself as Delvor, and asked me to join him for a drink. Of course I agreed, since I had him hook, line and sinker. This would be a most pleasant night indeed.

Delvor turned out to be a “businessman” for a prominent, though paranoid “company,” the name of which he apparently was not free to disclose. But they did have a subsidiary east of the city, if I cared to have a look.

That probably meant walking directly into the local headquarters of Black Sun, but what the hell. He’d most likely let me go out again in the morning. If not, I’d just, just stay grounded until he found out painfully –  and probably finally –  that I was neither innocent nor incompetent. I measured him up. Would be a pity, though.

“Is it far?” I ask shyly. “It’s just,” I falter, “just that I have no jacket, and if it’s cold outside…” I let the sentence trail off. 

“Now, now,” he laughs jovially. “Don’t tell my your papa spent all his money on your Loveti moth fibre dress and couldn’t afford a matching Melanani jacket.” 

Loveti moth fibre? LOVETI? Those things were extremely expensive – what did I say? They were priceless. For the worth of just what I was wearing right now, one could by one or two houses on – stop. Stopstopstop. I needed to answer. Fast.

Delvor winked. I blushed, lowered my eyes and shuffled my feet a little, giggling – but that won’t hold him forever.

Rodder. That dress was worth more than my debts to Jabba. Much. Hot damn. “I guess I just didn’t think,” I confess, smiling up diffidently. My mind turned in mad circles. And all the time it had just lain there in my closet, and I didn’t even suspect. Loveti! Freedom!

Softly he took my arm and led me out. “I’m sure you won’t have to freeze. I called us a very special aircar.”

Nodding, I let myself be guided to an indeed very luxurious looking aircar; fancy colours, tinged windows, the works. He must be higher up the local hierarchy than I guessed. I just hoped I hadn’t bitten off more than I could chew this time. At least he didn’t look like any description of Zekka Thyne I ever heard.

The “subsidiary” was impressive. We left Coronet City to the east and drove through the hills for a while before the arrived at an estate. In the darkness I could only imagine it’s shape, except for some towers that stood out black against the star-sprinkled sky. But even those I only noticed when we arrived directly at the front door, since the house being built in a small valley. Probably convenient to defend.

Everything had the solid looks of double-paned transparisteel windows, very thick, or double walls, security sensors all over the place and probably hidden snipers as well. I was relieved when nobody came to stop us and ask questions. Those Black Sun people were even more paranoid than I had suspected. You’d need at least a garrison of stormies to get in.

If they really wanted to, I though after I took a disgusted look around the foyer. The green was blindingly brilliant, shining even brighter on it’s background of horrible pinks and purples. Who ever “decorated” this hall had either forgotten to take off his goggles or was simply used to a different spectrum of colour than that which humans found pleasing. I hoped.

Fortunately, Delvor did not linger in the foyer but quickly led me off into a corridor branching of to the side. A wing of the house, I guessed, providing housing for most trusted employees. I didn’t see any guards inside, though. Maybe they considered their outer defences impossible to breach. Happy fools them, then.

Though the corridor looked plain enough – it wasn’t even carpeted -- his room, no, suite, was large, light and lush. The thick carpet whispered softly against my boots while I looked around, feigning amazement. The decorations were showy, the sort designed to emphasize money

and standing…proving him to be exactly the kind of man I had a knack of seducing. Well, time for the kill.

* * *

 

Just when the night began to become really pleasant, a shot startled me from my happy appreciation of Delvor’s chest. The tensing of his muscles told me that he had heard it, too, and it wasn’t just my imagination. We looked at each other, but when a second blast came, I was already up, tugging my boots back on.

With one hand I grabbed my purse, while the other, rather unconsciously, snatched the last of the chocolate-covered redberries. Delvor seemed in no mood to stop me, since he was still trying to get decent, booted, and to his blaster. He must have felt  _very_ safe here to leave the last item out of reach.

I hit the door open, stepped out, and instantly crouched, as a blaster bolt shot over my head and directly into the room behind me. The door was punched shut and, from the sounds following, bolted as well.

Carefully I raised my hands, hoping that this sign of goodwill would keep them from shooting at me. It did, but more because the general fighting seemed to have moved down the corridor past me without my noticing.

“Stand up. Hands where they are!”, the filtered voice of a stormtrooper commanded. 

I shakily stood up as best I could without the use of my hands…and got stuck halfway up. Irritated, I turned, only to see the skirts of my dress, my golden future, stuck in the locked door. I tugged at it carefully, but it didn’t come free. I tugged again. Nothing.

“Stand, I said”, the metallic voice came again, more insistent this time and sounding rather impatient. 

Again I tried to rise, but with my dress firmly stuck, and with me unable to use my hands, to no avail. I leaned against the resistance, increasing the pull on it, when suddenly I lost balance. Automatically, I reached out to steady myself, saw the stormtrooper point his BlasTech to my head and… jumped.

Something hot hissed past me into the wall. The only reason it missed me was my dress. The cloth had chosen this exact moment to give in and dump me unceremoniously onto the floor. I heard my freedom rip as I fell hard, my hands still somewhat above my head. It hurt.

I could clearly feel the cold floor against my cheek, the hot burning of my left side, and the ringing pain in the right, on which I had landed. Right then I very much wished, to be somebody else.

White boots filled my vision, and as I looked up my gaze met squarely with the muzzle of a still-hot BlasTech. Since I didn’t believe smiling and waving hello to was a viable option, I stayed frozen.

To my surprise the stormtrooper didn’t poke me in the side to underline his command to get up. But when I got a glance at my left side, it looked pretty toasted -- at least where I could see through the burnt cloth. I didn’t feel anything yet but already dreaded the moment the shock would wear off. Not that those burns were deadly. Just burning like hell. I sighed and, with help of my hands this time, got up.

The BlasTech pointed me down the corridor, and resignedly I followed it’s lead, hands held high again. Before long we came to a cluster of Imperials, one of which cuffed my hands, M’Ker’Orch be praised, at least behind my back. As my shoulders ceased to hurt, my side slowly began to throb painfully.

I let myself be jostled to the front door. There seemed to be a lot of commotion but only few prisoners. Firefights behind me told me that the Imperials would get mainly bodies today. More difficult to interrogate, I guessed. Fleetingly I wondered if Delvor would be one of the bodies or not; he’d probably prefer that to Imperial interrogation. But the pain washing over my whole body quickly chased that thought away.

Though I was herded directly towards a transport in the yard, I could still make out the form of Jodo Kast standing among a group of Imperials. That Sith-cursed son of a twerp! Calmly he stood there talking, probably about his reward, with the Imperials while my birthday -- and my whole future – was going down the drain. And it was all his fault.

I promised myself to get out of this mess and hunt him down as soon as possible. No bounty hunter, Mandalorain armour or no, messed up my life like that. I imagined, taking of his helmet and punching his nose through the back of his skull. Then I was locked in the transport with just grey steel for a view and nothing to do but wait. Better than entrance procedures to prison, I figured.  


* * *

 

So here I was, sitting in the red ruins of my freedom in a standard duracrete prison on the standard more than uncomfortable, duraplas bed. I just wanted to pull up my legs, hug them tight, and place my head on my knees. Of course, I didn’t. And not only because it might have proven awkward with the ripped dress. With a deep sigh, I leaned back against the wall and waited.

I just hoped that for once the imperial bureaucracy worked correctly and discover my cover ID to be completely innocent and void of any connections to Black Sun. Though it was pretty embarrassing to admit that I had gone to the Black Sun facility simply for a night of physical pleasure, I had done exactly that. This time I blushed for real under the hard look of the Imperial officer. I think he didn’t approve...except possibly unless I had chosen him for the night instead.

I guessed it was early morning, when, as I listened to the pain howling in my head until it finally got bored and wound down to a sullen hum, I heard heavy boots approach. The Imps were back. Thinking of my dignity, and my burnt side as well, I refrained from hugging myself. Instead I just slid to the edge of the bed, putting my feet down. _Just appear_ _calm_ , I told myself. After all I had done nothing. Yeah, great bloody nothing indeed.

The door slid open to reveal the grey-clad officer of the night before, accompanied by a stormtrooper. I looked up at him expectantly.

“Information from a source we know trustworthy has confirmed your story,” he told me grudgingly. “Thorough search of the archives yielded nothing either.” 

I could actually feel his disappointment now.

“You’re free to go and leave Corellia. Thank Kast for that,” he bit out, now positively pissed, then stormed away in as dignified manner as he could to continue grumbling somewhere else. 

I didn’t move. Kast. Again. Whatever I had done to deserve this, sooner or later I’d confront him and find out. Violently, if possible.

It was rather typical of Imperial care that nobody offered me even a patch for my burns on my way out. I grabbed my purse, glared at everybody daring to pass me on the streets, and even a bit more at the spaceport personnel. Back on the Starkiller, I saw to my burns immediately – immediately after take-off, that is. Never ever, never trust an Imperial.

A small red heap lay crumpled on the floor of my ‘fresher. All that remained of my high hopes. As I prodded it with my foot, lingering happily on details of the revenge I’d take on Kast one day, I suddenly wondered who in the stars could want to give me such an expensive dress. Who could _afford_ to? And why should he? The following shudders were not caused by the cooling patch on my left side.

Who?


	4. Dagobah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a self-indulgent meeting between Kayary and Yoda I wrote because I wanted it to happen. Doesn't even have a plot.  
> 1 ABY

Great! This suicidal madness which I preferred to call an attempt of escape might as well have killed me. I didn’t see much of a difference anyway as I brought my shuttle down in the middle of the swamp which called itself a planet. I would be lucky if the Starkiller stayed above the ground as long as I needed to get off board. Not that I hadn’t tried. Mournfully I watched her rear sink into the soil a little further. She was simply too heavy for this kind of ground, which seemed rather dry. In comparison I mean.

Strange kinds of birds and insects shot out of the thick fogs whining, flapping leathery wings. The whole wood around me seemed to be full of life though I couldn’t see it. Which was true for the wood as well. Everything seemed to be coloured in the same shades of greyish green or greyish brown. Probably not even the leaves were green. Not that I could see them being high up on the mist shrouded trees.

I swore wholeheartedly when I checked the outside damage. Almost the complete sensor phalanx was off, most its wiring looked rather short-circuited, at best, and my starboard laser canon was missing, too. I was drenched with sweat even after this little climbing around my favourite piece of wreckage, strands of my hair had fallen into my face and felt glued to my skin. Careless I wiped my face with a dirty hand, feeling that first of all nobody would see it anyway and knowing secondly that my comnplexion was probably dark enough to hide the mud. Well almost. Absent mindedly I patted the huge bulk of imperial handiwork.

‘Don’t you worry’, I told her, ‘I’ll get you back to parade looks in no time. No time at all.’ I started chewing on a strand of my hair while in my mind I made up a list of items I needed to drag from the storage, calculated the cost of getting the new spare parts. I could always get away pretending I transported spare parts. Nobody ever believed they were for only one shuttle. Except, of course, that I could patch up a hyperspeed vessel out of them even if the Starkiller was beyond hope.

Then I thought of the illegal spices still stuck into the very guts of the ship. I was still in the Sluis sector. So if I could manage to sell the spice, maybe at Slius Van itself, before they went bad I might still be able to get a little profit out of this. Considering that I would not have to pay fees since either the Imperials or Jabba would have taken care of my former employer by now. I smirked at that thought. All in all my situation was not that bad. Not if I could get off this planet and sell the spice at in the next three days.

With a sudden I realised that it had darkened considerably. Probably sunset, though you couldn’t really tell with this fogs around. I was about to return into the ship when I saw the creature watching me. It was small, reaching up to my knees maybe, with an oversized head including as oversized ears. The colour of its skin was only a shade greener than the greyish garment it wore. Big eyes watched my carefully, following my every move. It looked old, very old and somewhat sentient. ‘He’ I thought suddenly, not knowing what might have given away this information. I volunteered an almost waving gesture towards him. Answering to this he slowly closed and opened his eyes, inclining his head in a half nod.

“Um,…ahhh…, hello?” Angrily I realised that my voice rang with uncertainty. The little one started hobbling towards me, an almost mischievous smile spreading on his face. 

“A stranger you are” he said with a creaky voice, “not used to this place, no, no.” 

In spite of myself I had to smile at his combination of strange grammar and the sound of his voice. It made me think of goblins. “Yeah”, I muttered, “quite an achieved observation.”

“What you want here, heh?” He was now close enough to poke me a little with a small walking stick I had not recognised before. 

Slightly annoyed I tried to grab it out of his hands but he was much faster than I had imagined. Cackling laughter was all I got. “Want? I want nothing but being off again, little one.” To get at least some kind of compensation I took my torch and pointed it directly into his face.

He didn’t seem to notice at all but eyed the Starkiller closely instead. “How long this will take you?” he prodded the ramp with his stick.

Quickly I calculated about a day or one and a half but said. “Why should I tell you? What are you doing on this lump of mud anyway?”

“Lump?” he sounded angry, “My home this is. Live here I do!” 

I allowed myself a little relief. “Well, you don’t get much company then, because my computer told me this was an uninhabited lump.” I put some kind of emphasis on the last word.

“Not true that is”, he shook his head thoughtful, “many creatures living here. Only look around you must.” 

I did. But except a lot of darkness and fog I could see nothing. Though I heard what he meant, of course. “Yeah, fine, just tell them to exchange some spare parts for the spice I have”, I muttered as I walked up the ramp.

He chuckled. “You not need spare parts Kayary, you have them yourself. And you sell spice at Sluis Van.”

I stopped still when he mentioned my name. Then I spun around. With a few steps I reached him, poked my finger into his chest and demanded:” How do you know my name?”

“Demonchild they call you, for the eyes, hm?” He nodded to himself. “Very uncommon trait that, yes, indeed.” 

I dropped the idea of grabbing his shoulders and shaking him hard, though it might have been my only chance to use this technique with something like an effect. Instead I took a deep breath and tried to relax. The Empire was a perfect place to grow a full fledged paranoia. This little one seemed harmless enough, didn’t he? Annoying, yes; dangerous, no. “Want some dinner?”, I asked. Without waiting for an answer I got up and climbed the ramp.

He hobbled after me more speedily than was actually possible, but even though I watched him closely I couldn’t find out how he did it. What worried me more was the way he attentively looked at every detail of my shuttle as we approached the kitchen. Well, almost kitchen. It sufficed to put together something warm as long as you didn’t have to turn with the pot in your hand.

Before I could stop him the little one had stuck his head into my deep-freeze-provisions, muttering to himself. “Hey, little one, maybe you should tell me your name, too.” I took the package he thrust into my hands. ‘Spiced Tamuri’ the label said. Heaven knows how I got it. I didn't even know what Tamuri was or how it looked before it went into deep freeze packages. I fished for a pot on the top shelf while the little one searched my freeze again.

”Yoda”, it sounded out from there. I was halfway through answering him I certainly had none of that stuff, when I realised that it was his name. 

”Fine, Yoda”, the name had a strange taste to it. “What about white bread to go with the Tamuri?” 

Yoda’s head reappeared from the deep freeze. “Any fruit juices, you have?”

With a foot I opened my personal fruit syrup bar while I juggled the Tamuri, pot and bread in my hands. As I got the meal almost started I saw him leave with there bottles of intensely green coloured syrups. While I prepared the food I heard noises which indicated Yoda was prodding several places of the room with his stick. The small bottles were softly jingling in his pockets.

“No problem “, I muttered as I brought in the food, “you can keep them.” 

There was not much talk until after dinner. Yoda didn't seem to get much visitors and judging from the progress he made on the Food not much Tamuri either. Tamuri turned out to be some kind of fried vegetable, while ‘spiced’ was definitely meant as a warning. After only a few bites my taste buds short circuited.

Still I waited patiently for the little one to finish. He looked rather cute, sitting higher than he stood, feet to short even to dangle, his face barely over the plate. I had to smile in spite of myself. Only when he put down his fork I repeated the question which had bothered me the whole time.

“Maybe now you’ll tell me, Yoda, how you know my name?” 

He eyed me closely as if looking for a special sign. “Written all about your face it is, yes.”

Somehow that answer did not convince me. I kept looking at him expectantly. After a while I sighed: “Look little one, I only try to find out if you are somehow a threat to me or if I can leave you here alive. Copy?”

“Leave me here, you can”, he chuckled. With those words he got up and started hobbling away, the syrup bottles in his pockets jingling softly. I decided just to seal the hatch and hope he would not return. With any luck I’d be out before dusk tomorrow anyway. Strange little creature!

He did not turn up again the next day. I dedicated myself to putting up a new sensor array since there was nothing I could do about the missing laser cannon anyway. Several times I was severely tempted just to warp myself up in the kilometres of wiring and drown in the nearest pool. With every step I made I feared the Starkiller would sink deeper into the damp soil. It would be difficult enough to take off half sunk as she was already. With a sigh I dumped another load of burnt wiring in the swamp. Though it was not very warm I was covered with seat. This omnipresent mists gave me a really hard time. I only hoped it would not have bad influence on the repairs. Circuits however new would burn immediately when filled with water.

After what I considered to be half the day I decided to go even with only half the sensors working if I could make the engines go at 80% and the shields at 70% of their maximum. With that adjustments I could go anywhere I wanted and have the rest done. Not that I could not do it, I simply hated having to. Carefully I slid to the ground. If the tests were positive now, which was of course asking for a lot, I would be off. Calculating chances and the entailing work to be done I walked to the cockpit, wiping my hands. The engines and shields proved acceptable, though I could not outrun anybody any longer.

But as I powered up the sensor array the response was nothing. According to my readings there was nothing out there but black vacuum not even containing some distant stars. I bust into a long sequence of curses and started hitting my controls with the cloth since it was closest at hand. After I had cooled down my temper a little I returned to the melted wires, kicking the Starkiller several times for mere frustration.

“Come on honey”, I whispered as I hung in the sensor array’s main cable conduct, “or do you want to sink into this mud for good?” I tried not to think of the fact, that then I would be stuck here forever, too.

About two hours later I had completely renewed every piece of cable which had shown up close to the arrays, checked and rechecked the connections. Still the sensors refused to show anything. Angrily I yanked off the power again and started hitting my control panels with heavy tools. Why did this piece of imperial wreckage never work when I needed it?

When I stepped off the ramp I almost fell over a heap of wiring which was dripping with mud. Yoda stood next to it and looked at me accusingly. I wondered how he had gotten it out of the swamp.

“You will not leave this here!” It sounded like a command. 

I shrugged. What the hell was I supposed to do with it? It was beyond repair and no mistaking.

“Take it with you, you will!” His tone was beyond refusal now. 

“Ok, ok”, I agreed. “No problem, just shove it into storage bay 2, will you?” 

But Yoda shook his head: “No, I make food now. You take this away.” He shuffled off before I could answer to that.

I looked at the ugly heap and hoped it might just dissolve. Which of course it did not. With a sigh I turned to get an antigrav unit. Then I returned to the sensors. Why did that stupid thing not concede to work. This was so disappointing.

A continuous tapping called me from work. It sounded like somebody kept hitting the hull with a stick, which was exactly what Yoda did. With a sigh I gathered up my tools and decided to leave it be. Hopefully I could get off into Hyperspace without this damned sensors. Though it might add considerable damage to my poor ship. When I came to Sluis Van I could still ask to be set down with a tractor beam. I didn’t really care. If only I could get off this planet it would be enough. The company of this little guy made me twitchy.

Yoda sat on the ramp. A pot of, well let’s call it stew, sat next to him accompanied by wooden bowls and spoons. I wondered slightly how he had managed to get it all here. “Sit”, he urged me, “Sit. Eat you must.” He nodded to himself and I suppressed another sigh while sitting down.

The stew had a strong almost fermented smell and I hoped my taste buds had not yet recovered form the Tamuri. I somehow expected the spoon to dissolve when I dipped it into the bowl but nothing happened. The stew tasted as strong as it smelled and it seemed my taste buds had recovered farther that it was good for them. Still it was food and I realised I had not eaten anything since dawn. Probably dawn.

I got up and fetched some water while Yoda packed up the remains of the meal. “Leave you will”, he said over the rim of his cup.

I nodded. “Got together everything just fine”, I lied boldly. “Sure you wont come along?”, I asked before I could stop me and wished I had bitten off my tongue rather.

But Yoda shook his head firmly.

I tried not to show my relief. Locked up with him in my shuttle I’d be crazy within minutes. “Ok, little one, your decision”, I simply answered, “Just don’t expect me to come back and repeat my offer someday.”

I turned to leave the muddy hole for good when I heard him say: “Your people Kayary. Find them you will.”

I turned again staring at him angrily. “What do you know about my people? I have no people! These two eyes of mine, they keep telling me I have no people. Nobody ever saw people like me!” I ended up screaming at him, but Yoda remained absolutely calm.

“Find them you will”, he repeated. “Out there they are”, he said waving his hand in the general direction of the sky. 

“Sure”, I growled, “they’re always somewhere out there.” 

A frown of concentration appeared on Yoda’s face. “Go into the darkness alone, you must. Then find them you will.” He sounded very confident.

“Yeah, I just try to hang out more in dark places in the future, ok?” I tried to pad his head, but he was just too far down for that. “Listen”, I said, “thanks for the help you’re trying to be, but I really think I'd better be off now.” 

He nodded solemnly but still added: “Never refrain from the light Kayary. Strong the darkness may seem but give in you never must!” With that he picked up his stuff and left.

“Yes, the same to you”, I shouted after him. “Liked to meet you and have a nice life!”

I walked up the ramp, closed the hatch and headed for the cockpit. ’Find your people in the darkness, but never leave the light.’ Fine that was just the kind of advice I liked. I started the engines and powered up the shields. The Starkiller pulled lose with an ugly sucking noise and I headed for space. With little hope I powered up the sensor array. To my surprise I got detailed readings of the vegetation which was already far below me.

I stared at my faint reflection in the transparisteel. Though my features were almost indistinguishable the red glow of my eyes could be seen clearly. I touched them with my fingertips, trying to fight the melancholy which started to crawl up my mind. No, not now. Even if I was to be the only red-eyes monster ever, I had spices to sell! The calculations for the hyperspace appeared and I plunged the shuttle into it. Then I looked up the name of this godforsaken piece of mud I'd accidentally hit. ‘Dagobah’ it said and I entered a comment below it reading: Thanks, never again.


	5. Brown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 14 ABY

In my exhaustion I don’t feel much of the pain washing over me again and again, splitting me in half. I don’t know how long I have lain like this, but too long most likely. When the pain returns, I clench all muscles, exhaling with a small, pained gasp, wishing it was finally all over. [i] _Brown_ , [/i] something whispers in the depths of my consciousness. It must have been something important, but I can’t remember what.

Somebody takes my hand, and the dark, compassionate eyes of a nurse look down on me. They are full of sympathy, those eyes, full of pity and a deep feeling I can not pin down. They look at me, as if I were nearing the end.  _It shouldn’t be like this,_ I think desperately.  _Not like this at all._ The cool hand of the nurse touches my forehead as the angry pain returns, claiming my whole body.

_Brown._ The thought creeps through my agony again.  _If only_ _–_ _brown!_

The nurse pats my shoulder, the sympathy still in her eyes. “You’re almost through,” she assures me. “It’s almost over.”

Again the pain comes, and I try to press it all down and out, try to force it. But nothing. I still feel swollen and bruised all over. _If only it was worth it._ _If only_ _–_ _even umber would do, amber, auburn, ochre, chestnut, anything, if only_ _–_ _brown!_ I’m not sure whether I shouted the last word out in pain.

The nurse puts some water to my lips, and I drink greedily. She has been with me from the beginning. How long has she stayed with me, even after he shift has ended? But she is still here, with the whimpering woman. I feel deeply grateful for her presence.

“The first time is always the hardest,” she soothes me, wiping my forehead. A vain but wonderful gesture. I ask myself why, after all this, any woman would ever decide to have a second child. But then, the doctor had warned me. “Too old,” he had said, “built too slim”

I try to swallow some more water before the next contraction comes, pulling all my muscles taut.  _Think of something nice,_ I tell myself,  _hazel, or brandy, or walnut, caramel maybe or …_

It seems to get worse all the time, which is probably a good sign. I press again, feeling the pressure build, and just before I think I must burst the pain recedes a bit. _Chocolate_ _–_ I take up my litany once more – _caf, ginger, cinnamon, anything_ _–_ _if it was only_ _brown._

I feel my body burst, an intense pain burning upwards from my pelvis, a gush of warm liquids, the smell of blood. The squeal – it’s not a scream at all, but a small, protesting sound of somebody not used to lungs, or vocal chords.

I wonder if they have dimmed the lights to accommodate the new eyes; everything looks so hazy. I feel something warm and wet being placed against my breast and look down.

“A daughter,” the nurse tells me softly. “A beautiful little daughter.”

I stare at the little bundle of human in my arms. It looks oddly ugly, the skin still smeared with white stuff, but I can already see the dark tan she will have. Her eyes are closed tight, and she is making strange faces. I stop the nurse as she tries to take my child away. First I have to see….

Slowly, almost in slow-motion, the eyes open. A slit at first then, a bit more until I can see – brown! I could have hugged her to death at that moment. Brown! Like her father’s eyes, all the brown in the world, and she’s got it!

I feel my arm go numb. But before I can drop the little wonder onto the cold floor, the nurse already has her in a firm grip. The lights are even lower now, and this is not right. I can hear the medics fuss about hectically, as I recline further into the pillows.  _I want to sleep. Turn down the lights completely._

“What will you call her?” The voice of the nurse breaks into my thoughts. 

“Sienna,” I breathe, as unconsciousness comes to claim me. “Sienna.”


	6. Demon's Den

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kayary hoping to be saved from her life on Ilum.  
> 100% introspection.  
> 9 BBY

Never in my whole life had the snow been so cold, the wind so biting, and Ilum more uninviting than today, as if it had conspired against me and my plan. My great plan of escape. Longingly I raised my eyes to the sky, but there were only grey clouds to be seen, and the snow whipped cruelly at my face. So I looked down again quickly. I had to escape this ice cube.

It might be all nice and well for my mother Kona, who had never known anything else, and all those other gornt-brained people in the village. Village, ha! Nobody sane would stoop so low as to call this cluster of deep-frozen half-igloos a village! And I bet nobody in his right mind would stoop so low as to call this floating piece of ice a planet, either. Well,  _I_ wouldn’t.

Stubbornly I leaned against the wind, trudging forward. It had to be here somewhere. Close. I believed I could feel it. Then the wind ripped my hood down, and before I could secure it again, a load of snow decided to slide down the shawl wrapped around my head and drop into my coat. I shuddered involuntarily. After all those years in the cold, I should be used to it, shouldn’t I?

But I wasn’t. And that was most certainly another sign, that I didn’t belong here. Not that there weren’t signs aplenty, not the least of which included everybody sticking their heads together behind my back, spitting out in front of me, and making the sign against evil. Or shouting “alien bastard” and “demonchild” at me during the school breaks. I hugged myself tightly. I would not cry. I wouldn’t. I was way to old for that now. And after all those years of that abuse, I should be used to it, shouldn’t I?

But I wasn’t. No matter what I told them (and myself), and which uncaring face I showed them, I wasn’t used to it at all. Which was, actually, the long and the short of it. I squinted my eyes against the snow. It had to be close, it had to. After all this was the Forbidden Place. This place was the reason the people from far away had come to the planet. The place they battled for, died for, killed for.

It was not to be named, because then those people might return, the villagers said. How that was supposed work I didn’t understand. After all, how could we be heard saying it’s name down here, if those people didn’t know about it already. Forbidden Place, indeed. Showed the creativity of the folks down here.

Even a nine-year-old like me could come up with more inspired names in a heartbeat: Hell Hole, Danger Dungeon, Demon’s Den. Well, probably not Demon’s Den. I resisted the urge to close my eyes and laboured on. Of course they had to change the name. Crystal Caves did not sound very daunting, even with a collapse roof and danger of further rock fall.

I scanned the landscape around me, but it _all_ looked as if a giant had pounded at the rocks until they had given in. How was I supposed to find the collapsed caves, when everything else looked pretty caved in, as well?

And what if I didn’t find it? If I had searched and turned the whole Forbidden Place upside down and still didn’t find it? What if it didn’t _exist_? If it was just the myth of an addle-brained village population? What then?

I shuddered violently, trying to fight the despair creeping up my mind. It had to be there. It just had to!

The wind was getting stronger, buffeting me around, and I almost fell. What if it were a lie? What if there had never been any caves at all? What if all there had been was just something dangerous, something you needed to keep people from? 

The wind shoved me roughly into a small crevice. Resignedly, I stayed where I was, huddling up against the cold, waiting for the wind to let off a little again. What if I really was meant to stay on this heap of ice for the rest of my life? All. My. Life. It was to horrible to think about. With my head on my knees, I began to cry.

When the wind had settled down a little again, I wandered off. Not looking this time, not searching, not paying any attention. I had been over this place so many times. Hanging my head low, I trod along the non-paths I had walked so often in the past weeks. Non-paths on a non-planet leading to a non-existent cave. Trodden by a non-existent nonentity.

Again the wind picked up, and I huddled in yet another niche. Idly, I moved the snow around with my feet, building up small mountains and then stomping them out of existence. _If you thought snow amusing, then you’ll have a hell of a time here,_ I thought. I had just finished building up an especially big heap of snow and raised my foot high to smash it spectacularly when the wind caught me and shoved me backward. I lost my balance and fell against the snow covered rock behind me. And fell, tumbling backward through a wall of snow instead of hitting my back on hard rock.

The tunnel I found myself in was narrow, not very high and not very stable-looking, either. Close to my left, the roof had given in, blocking the passage in that direction. So I turned right after standing up and knocking most of the snow off me. I followed the narrow path, amazed by how light it seemed to be inside, wondering where the light might come from.

The sky was completely clouded, and the heavy snow obscured the light even more. So, actually it should have been much darker in here. I hadn’t expected to be able to see my hand before my eyes. I had even brought a torch and extra power cells for it.

So I had found it. I paused surprised with the calm that seemed to take over. I found the forbidden cave that had brought doom over Ilum, or at least that’s what I had been told. The place of evil that had cost many their lives. So far it didn’t look very dangerous at all. Well, not much, anyway.

Once I had heard the mayor say, that the Sis might still return one day to kill all the rest of us. I didn’t know whose sister he was referring to, or why she would want to kill us. Except maybe she was his sister, and he had really made her angry. Though this did not explain very well why she would kill us too, and why he still called her sis.

The inexplicable illumination of the tunnel I followed made me feel very queasy. I began to understand why people might want to stay away from this place. It was eerie. Though there was light, there seemed to be no shadows on the rough, broken walls, as if the light emanated directly from somewhere within.

The light increased the farther I came into the rock, shedding its unearthly light over the rough and tumbled walls. Sometimes I had to climb over heaps of rubble reaching almost to the ceiling or squeeze through small gaps in the crumbled stone. At one point I even had to take off most of my warm clothes to get through an especially tight opening and still scratching my skin all over.

Finally I reached something that had once been a great hall. I could still see the remains of endless staircases and tall archways high up – where “high up” still existed, that is. Except for one sheer wall expanding hundreds of feet over my head, the cave was collapsed and fallen in. Enormous piles of boulders kept up what was left of the ceiling, particularly a huge slab of rock slanted up against the high wall, supporting the high roof of the cave.

The light was bright as a sunny day and came from bright patches in the walls and floor, which later turned out to be made from crystal. Gravel crunched under my feet, as I made my way to the middle of the chamber. Pieces of crystal that I upset hit each other musically with an almost happy clinking sound.

So this was it, my pathway to freedom, the Crystal Cave. Despite the shiploads of crystal lying around, they didn’t really interest me. Those things were just there to be collected by some sister. Whatever she’d want to do with it. Built weapons, if I got that right, but how many weapons one Sis could wield was another of those uncertain points.

Maybe there was more than one, I thought. Maybe an army of sisters, wielding huge, crystal covered weapons. I imagined those weapons to look a little like the rolling pin, Kona had allegedly hit the grocer over the head with. An army of rolling pin-wielding sisters, approaching the village, slam, bam, hitting people over the heads. En Garde! The idea made me giggle despite myself.

I could only hope it was not one of those angry women that would pick me up here. But just…somebody with a ship. Somebody to take me off-planet. To get me to a place where I did not have to take snide comments –  not about my eyes, not about anything.

I twirled, kicking up clouds of white dust that sparkled brightly before it settled again. All I had to do now was wait for somebody to come and convince him to take me along. Agreed, this point of my plan was not entirely foolproof so far, but I was certain I could make something viable up in the next few weeks.

I would be gone. I would dance between the stars. I would be all and everything.

Happily I settled down to wait.


	7. I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blessed time of songfice... I was there...  
> Kayary in a happy moment on her life. (Before everythign does to shit as usual.) No, you didn't miss the romacne starting nd stuff, thos stories still await finishing. XD  
> 24 ABY

_I could stay awake just to hear you breathing_  
_Watch you smile while you are sleeping_  
_While you're far away and dreaming_

I lie still, my cheek on his shoulder, trying not to disturb his sleep. I feel his warm skin, the soft beat of his heart and his hand, wrapped around my waist. His breathing is slow and almost regular. I know he's about to fall asleep and I wish I could bury my face at his neck and cry.

But of course I can't – he'd wake up.

So instead I try to calm myself, make my mind blank, and simply be. Why should it be that anxiety ruins these last moments for me? I move my face against his skin, inhaling his scent deeply. I want to remember everything. Everything!

Closing my eyes, I remember.

All those small moments – stolen, precious moments, wrestled from a cold and uncaring universe. I remember a slight touch of his hand; the way he used to smirk at me knowingly; the day I belatedly cried for twenty years in which I hadn't; the day I met him and our ensuing flight from Atzerri. I smile and press my body to his.

 _I could spend my life in this sweet surrender_  
_I could stay lost in this moment forever_  
_Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure_

Looking back, I get the feeling that it is all too much to remember, and at the same time, much too little. From the day I met him, until now, so many things have happened that I can only remember darkly, little things that seemed of little importance. A glance, a smile, a whole dinner – swallowed by the carelessness that ordinary things are treated with. Knowing that everyday can be the last, but not believing.

I wish I had given more attention to those ordinary moments. But when the future seems endless, what do those moments mean? When the future is endless, only the special moments get special attention – the first time my skin began to tingle all over as his hand brushed mine, laying my head on his shoulder on one rainy night and getting soaked, the moment in which I, snuggling up to Kanos, had finally understood what my mother had always tried to tell me about my father.

Little revelations, all of them, and beyond precious to me. Of course, there are the more physical moments, too – his hands on my skin, his breath in my ears, soft whispers in the dark. He might have done nothing more than sneaking up on me from behind, putting his arms around me, with his head on my shoulder, watching while I prepared the morning caf, and still…

 _I don't wanna close my eyes_  
_I don't wanna fall asleep_  
_Cause I'd miss you, baby_  
_And I don't wanna miss a thin_ g

To think that before I met him, it didn't even occur to me that I was missing out something. I had my job, my goals, my men. None of them lasted longer than a short escape from Jabba's palace, and even after he died, I had no interest in really getting to know them. They were commodities in a life that was not made for commitment. I don't think more than one or two actually thought I was looking for something more lasting.

For Kanos - I hadn't been looking at all. Not my type, not my side, and a customer on top of it. Still, he was the first person to actually trust me for a long time, and I still wonder why. Could he read my mind? Had I been that obvious?  
Does it matter

 _I don't wanna miss one smile_  
_I don't wanna miss one kiss_  
_Well, I just wanna be with you_  
_Right here with you, just like this_

Gently I trace his jaw line, the short stubble softly scratching my fingertips.  
To think that this is really the end, that there will be no more 'chance meetings'… nothing.  
To think that I shall never see him again…  
Just to think it hurts.

 _Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together_  
_And I just wanna stay with you_  
_In this moment forever, forever and ever_

Carefully, I stand up, placing one last kiss in the palm of his hand before I tuck it away under the blanket. For a moment I just stand there, staring, feeling the tears rise in my eyes. But then I bite my lip hard. The time for crying is over – again.

I place the datacard with all information about Sienna I have on my pillow. I have not seen her ever since Balkambar had taken her away, and I still remember the heartache when the datacard arrived years later. It had contained only official pictures and a voice recording of Sienna reciting a poem for some event or other. But she looked so happy. On every picture she was laughing, her eyes sparkling with joy. She was beautiful … our daughter – and happy.

Politely, Balkambar had refrained from putting pictures of her foster parents, though. He knows how I still wrestle with the decision I made, knows about the regrets, the reproaches and self accusations – only him. He had been my saviour again. Every time I felt the monster of doubt rise, I looked at those pictures and knew I could never have given her such a carefree childhood, such a safe home. And each time I pray that this will somehow make up for giving her away.

I pull my eyes away from the sleeping man of my dreams and begin to dress, silently, as if he might wake, as if I had not put a sleeping potion into his drink. Right now, he is so fast asleep, I could do a step dance on his belly without awakening him.

My fingers shake, and it is difficult to close all buttons and zips. I don't think he will ever forgive me – but then, I don't think I'll live very long to regret that, either. Softly, I trace the scar across his face one last time. Then I turn and leave.

On the way to the ship I wonder if this shouldn't be the moment when I am supposed write the résumé of my life. In percentage, the last few years with him were, of course, not enough to outweigh everything that had happened to me before. Unfortunately, my emotional self thinks quite differently about it. So very different that I am about to get myself killed in a suicide mission.

 _In the end,_ I think as I punch the sequence for take-off, _it has been worth all the pain, and suffering, and loneliness._ I stare out of the viewport.

I had had Sienna.  
I had had Kanos.  
_That_ had made it worth it.

_I don't wanna miss a thing._


	8. Served Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kayary forced to go back to Ilum to help an old enemy.
> 
> I really left 87% of stuff unfinished and unposted. Oh dear, the holes in this...  
> 20 ABY

I was not actually a good pilot, when somebody sat behind me and kept staring on my fingers. Things did not improve either, when that person was a Dark Jedi, or Sith Lord, or under whatever name they came today. Of course, in my case he was more a Shit Lord if anything.

Give me a chance, and he'd lie dead and rotting in a second. But what can one do. He's probably reading my thoughts, too, but so what. Even if I cursed and insulted him in all 23 languages I spoke, more or less, he would get the gist by monitoring my emotions.

Oh, yes, I was seething. When I glanced at my reflection in the viewport, I was amazed that my face didn't boil with the same angry red colour of my eyes. But I kept myself in check. It was not only my life that was in danger here.

I should have run the moment I saw him in the streets of Mos Espa. Dark lords don't come to Mos Espa, and if you saw one, though, he was most likely looking for you. But, in retrospect, I don't think I would have been fast enough to out run him. No. Only shooting him dead the moment I spotted him would really have helped, and - oh, bugger it all, yes I  _was_ to stunned to do anything.

I never thought I'd see him again. At first, I dreamt of him, good dreams, bad dreams, there was the racy type and those in which I used all kinds of interesting instruments to bring about his death. And then, slowly the memories began to lose their power over me and one day, I didn't care anymore, if he lived or died, if we ever met again, or if somebody found a way to make his life worse than death.

And there he was strolling down the dusty street towards me, a smile on his lips and smug as can be. And I? I acted like the proverbial bunny and just stared. He came up to me, laid a hand on my shoulder and said in a tone that made sure this had been long planned, "What a nice surprise to meet you here, Kayary."

How I wished I had a last name, anything to put some distance between us, but the idea of him calling me Demonchild was not pleasant either. I stared and my tongue felt glued to my gum. There you go, spending some years of your life planning what clever things to say and then this. I felt like I was fourteen again and about to blush. I was so angry with myself.

But my older self came up like a bouncing ball and I saw all that I had seen all those years ago – the red hair shining in the sun, the self-assured stance, the smile, though its mean edge was showing clearly now. I could understand what had made him so attractive to me, understood that he still was attractive.

"What do you want?"

"You won't believe me, when I said I just wanted to see what has become of you, would you?" There was a mischievous sparkle in his eyes and the hand on my shoulder moved to take hold of my chin.

Annoyed, I flicked my head to the side, breaking the grip. "Your credibility is so low that not even a negative scale could indicate it," I spat out.

He chuckled, and took hold of my elbow instead. "What if we talked over a drink instead of out here? Whatever happens, you'd at least get a drink out of it."

The nerve of the man.

"I'd rather die of thirst."

"That, I can arrange, my dear." His voice was quiet and hard. "But I'd rather not, it would be too easy around here. So just shut up and follow me."

He dragged me off into the nearest cantina. I didn't want to follow, but my feet moved anyway. I bet he used some powers on me, because I kept my mouth shut, too. I wondered if he had been using the Force back on Ilum, too. It was not a pleasant idea. He shoved me into a secluded booth.

"If you want to do this the hard way, I have no problems with that, as you should know." His eyes bored into mine, but I refused to look away. We'd probably still be sitting there glaring, if the serving droid hadn't arrived, asked for our orders, and put a vase with huge flowers between us. Why he was programmed to treat any male/female pairing that came as if they were romantically involved was beyond me.

The flowers were fake, and you could not see through the huge red and blue blossoms, so Hethrir and I suspended our little contest. I leaned back and crossed my arms in front of me. If he wanted something, let him bring it on.

Hethrir leaned back as well, with his right elbow on an armrest, he held his chin in his right and slowly stroked his well-coiffed beard with his thumb. It was clear that he was inspecting me, though I could not tell for what.

Finally the droid returned and placed mugs in front of us. Hethrir fed it a few credits before he returned his attention to me. Leaning forward on both elbows, he thoughtfully looked at me over his steepled fingers.

"I need your help, Kayary."

Well, these were the last words I had expected to hear from Lord "Insert-Insult-of-Choice" Hethrir. He needed help from nobody. He just took what he wanted. So why the games? I would not fall for it this time.

"No."

"Don't you want to listen to my offer first?"

"No." I hoped he would get the clue and leave. It seemed to work.

"Well, in that case-" he emptied his mug and placed it on the table. "I'm sorry for your daughter, though."

He turned to leave, but I was faster. I grabbed his arm and yanked him back.

"What about my daughter?"

I wished I could have wiped that smug grin out of his face when he looked at me. "If the mother doesn't comply, maybe the daughter will." He leered and easily shook free of my grip. "And even if she doesn't -" he let the threat hang between us.

I slumped back into my seat. "How do you know?"

"I have my sources, dear. So if you listened to me now, we can just get this over with." He looked at me half questioningly, half threatening and sat down again.

"Good. I want you to take me to Ilum and collect some crystals. After that you drop me off at Bilbringi and that is all." He folded his hands on the table.

"And what's in it for me?" I wanted to know.

"In return I will not kill either you or your daughter."

"If you ever lay your hands upon Sienna I will find you and kill you, Hethrir. And you know this is no idle threat!" I was amazed how quietly and controlled I had gotten that out.

He smiled, obviously not believing a single word. But I knew. Sienna was not alone, and if Hethrir ever dared – he would have Balkhambar and his clan on him faster than he could say 'sorry.' Which was a bad comparison, because he probably didn't even know the word.

"If you would just finish your drink now," he prompted.

I unclenched my hands and teeth, lifted the mug and emptied it onto the ground with a flourish. Not caring how he reacted I stood up ready to leave. If I had expected any reaction from Hethrir, I was disappointed. He didn't twitch a single muscle, just got up and gestured me to lead the way.

We didn't speak on the way to the  _Starkill_ er. I felt the heat of the twin suns pounding on me, but it was a welcome distraction from the ongoing events. How dared he? Threaten my daughter, indeed! But I knew him, by now he had arranged for things to happen in case he could not persuade me, or even in case he had to kill me.

And, of course, he'd be only good to his promise until he needed something from me again. I could only hope something terminally would happen to him soon. Didn't we have Jedi running around the galaxy again? Maybe I should call Skywalker and ask him to do something about Mr. Smugness.

The aforementioned had now caught up with me and did not seem to be worried the least. And despite the wide robes he wore, he didn't seem to be bothered by the heat at all.

"You can go ahead and start the pre-flight preparations. I will be with you in no time." He dared to wink at me before he turned into a side street. I understood the fall of the old Jedi Order. Those guys were never around when you needed one. And to think that Skywalker came from this dirt ball. Why didn't he stay?

I tried to calm myself. Of course, he didn't stay. Everybody who didn't have a special liking of dust, heat and sandstorms moved away as soon as they got an opportunity. And no matter where he went to, I'd find him. I owed that to Sienna.

 

* * *

 

After three day cooped up with Hethrir I was a s close to exploding than I ever had. Thinking back on the trip away from Ilum gave me the shivers and I was sure that he was doing his part in conjuring up those memories. Otherwise he kept himself as much apart from me as possible on an imperial shuttle and left me simmering in my own apprehension and violent fantasies. Though I was sure that some of them were his, especially at night, when I had no control over my thoughts. If he had been a bastard before, time had also turned him onto a pervert.

I tried to busy myself –  cleaning some long forgotten corners of the  _Starkiller_ , tweaking some systems into better shape, I even caught up on galactic politics. I kept my thoughts away from the real revenge I wanted to take on Hethrir and instead channelled all my anger and helplessness into my day dreams. I became really inventive where torture was concerned, though I doubted that all of the techniques worked –  especially the one involving a hydrospanner, bacta and plastape. 

Besides I had to take care of the daily chores. That Hethrir dared to eat food I had prepared showed clearly that he had made precautions in case he should not return. I knew that Sienna would not live, if I killed him and it made me angrier than anything else. Hethrir seemed amused by my hatred and kept reminding me of my precarious position. He refrained from mentioning Sienna, though, probably feeling, that I could only take so much. I hated him.

Over the day I calmed down slowly, bottled up my seething anger under a layer of ice cold as Ilum itself. Reaching back to the times when I was a slave, I put on an impeccable façade, never showing a hint of my emotions. Not that it really mattered with him, he could probably read my feelings as if I had shouted them into his face.

So here we were now, slowly approaching the white sphere of Ilum. Hethrir had given me the coordinates of the village and as we slowly circled the planet a strange mixture of apprehension and home sickness came over me. I hadn't put a foot on Ilum since the day I had left. At first I had been a slave, then under contract, but that hadn't kept me from going other places. Stealing away from Jabba hadn't been that much trouble, especially if he expected me to spend money - money I then wouldn't have to buy my freedom. But I had not gone home.

 

* * *

  
I still wondered why, while I prepared to set down on the market place. I if was to return, why not with a real splash. But the closer we came, the more uncertain I became. My sensors did not indicate the tiniest sign of life. As far as they were concerned, there was nobody home.

And they were right. When the village came into view I saw that all roofs had caved in from the burden of snow nobody had cared to clear away. Snow drifts stood all over the place and everything was covered by a thick crust of ice. Nobody had been here for a very long time.

I felt a pang of regret. Somewhere somehow I had been looking forward to see the people of my past again, or at least their children. The times when I had suffered from their teasing were light-years away and with the distance the pain had faded, too. Age didn't soften you, but it certainly blunted the edges of memory.

Softly, I set the  _Starkiller_ down on the market place. I had all but forgotten about the dark Jedi sitting behind me, and when he stirred to get up, I winced. In all the desolation around me, I would have preferred to be here alone. But since that was not an option I decided to find out where everybody was.

"What happened to them?" I asked as I stood up.

"They got relocated by the Rebellion years ago. I'm amazed that you don't know that. You're not much of a patriot, are you?" His tone was mocking, but I was too surprised to care. And he was right. I might as well have know. Should have know.

"And just so you don't get any ideas," his smug tone grated on my nerves, "I have arranged for your daughter's termination, in case I should not return from the trip."

I didn't even slow down. That bastard kept me on the edge with comments like that, I was sure he did it on purpose. Torturing others without using force, without touching them, just to see when they would break, it seemed to be a game to him, almost a hobby. Clenching my teeth, I put on a warm shirt, coat, and overcoat. I would not break.  


* * *

From close up that village looked even worse. Not a single house was intact, and the wind howled and sang in the broken stone. I stood on the market shivering, and not only from the cold. Once, this had been my home. Not one I had actually liked, but home nevertheless. To see it abandoned like this stung.

I felt Hethrir fidgeting impatiently behind me, but I was determined to take my time. I had to get the feeling for this place back. I turned and walked to my old house. It looked even worse that the rest. The door had been torn out, all window panes were missing and when I went inside, I realized that everything that could be used, had been removed.

The kitchen was empty except for the stone sink and the few shelves that protruded directly out of the wall. I hugged myself tightly, trying to stop the shaking. The obvious loose stone in the wall had been torn out, and whatever had been hidden behind it was gone, the wobbly chair was the only piece of furniture left, but it lay broken in a corner.

I turned to my room, but it was the same there, nothing left, nothing to spark memories, only bare walls staring at me as if I was an intruder. Still, I went to Kona's room, it was empty, but the stone behind which her real treasure was hidden, was still in place. I walked up to where once her bed had been and pushed at the wall. With a soft 'plop' another stone popped free of the wall and I carefully lifted it out.

It was still there. Almost reverently, I reached out and took the ring out of its hiding place. It was a huge thing of gold with an enormous red stone. Sometimes I had seen Kona stare at is, wistfully. It was the only thing that she had to remind her of my father. Whatever [i] _I[/i]_ thought about him, she had certainly loved him.

But there was more. Kona must have enlarged the hole after I had left. Since the ring was to broad to fit me, even on my thumb, I put it into the most secure pocket I had before reaching out again. I knew immediately, what they were, when my hand touched the kaleidoscopes. And suddenly, tears rose to my eyes. She had kept them, had kept me.

I clutched the kaleidoscopes to my chest and waited until my breath was normal again. Then I wiped my face with my sleeve and went into the garden. As I had expected, there was a low mound next to the house, At least, they had buried her.

I stood at Kona's, my mother's, grave and didn't know what to do. I didn't even have flowers on board of the  _Starkiller_ , nothing to put on that small mound under the ice. I should have come back and gotten her out, should have taken the time. After all, I had left without a word, and they hadn't known about Hethrir. 

What had she thought? That I had been buried under an avalanche, broken into a crevasse? That I had been caught in a patch of drift snow? A lump formed in my throat. I had left without a word, and even if it had been under Hethrir's influence, I still hadn't come back afterwards. I had no excuse.

"Are you finished yet?" Hethrir's voice broke into my thoughts. I was annoyed and relieved at the same time. Annoyed that he interrupted my remembrance and relived that I didn't have to face my own guilt. Taking a deep breath I nodded and turned.

"I have to put this on the  _Starkiller_ , but then we can go." I ignored his condescending smile when he spotted the kaleidoscopes. The Force knows what he did with the one I gave him. Probably pry it apart for the crystals. But I would not let his judgements let me affect me.

After I had put my new possessions into a locked compartment, I sealed my shuttle again and began to search the old way, I had taken so often in my childhood. At first, it was easy to follow, but the further we got from the village, the less it could be seen. And the landscape had changed, too. Pinnacles I remembered had toppled and blocked the path, avalanched had burrowed whole hills and part of other hills had caved in.

After an hour I felt completely lost. Hethrir was of no help whatsoever, either. He kept a step behind me, never saying a word, as if he thought he would disturb anything. I closed my eyes and sent a silent prayer to M'Ker'Orch. This was not going to work. None of my marks in the landscape still existed. How was I to find anything?

Probably the way I did it the first time: without looking. I almost stumbled over my own feet. How could I find anything without looking, that was not normal, that was, a talent maybe, the Force, more likely. I stared at my feet. But I had never been able to do anything, telekinesis, mind reading, seeing the future, nothing. I could not lift a snowflake, not to mention convince a customs officer to let me pass.

Kona now, she was pretty good at reading the future from the cards or the lines of your hand. I had always suspected that she just knew people well, and could foresee how they would act. in such a small community, foretelling whom you'd marry was not that difficult, either. Slowly, I began to walk again, my eyes fixed on my snow-crusted boots. The wind picked up a little and I pulled my hood tight.

So I actually had no reason to pride myself of my knowledge of people. I could tell when they were lying and if they got suspicious, but many good smugglers could, and had to. It had never occurred to me to see anything but a well-honed skill in that. 

Only the fact that I had put half of my foot over the edge, made me aware of the steep slope in front of me. I stopped my musings and scanned my surroundings. Hethrir caught up to me and let his gaze sweep over the white expanse as well. The slope flattened towards the abrupt end at a wall of ice and snow. Only at one point there was a thin opening leading on. I glanced at Hethrir suppressing a chuckle. Let's see how he liked this. Crouching down on my overcoat, I skidded down.

The idea might have been funny , to begin with, but soon all my thoughts were on steering my ever faster going towards the small opening in the ice. I couldn't even glance back to see how Mr Smugness got along. And then I had to realize that I wouldn't make it. I managed to slow down a little, but the gap was far out of my reach even before I was halfway down. Blasted! I turned my back towards the wall and tried to slow down as much as I could.

With a thud I broke through the wall at a place that seemed to be made only of snow, fast enough to break all the way though and hurt myself in the process. But slow enough, not to crush into the next wall, which was made of solid stone. Well, Hethrir would be happy, this was his cave. I stood up and dusted the snow off my clothes. If he hurried up, we could be back before dusk. Now it was my time to radiate impatience and pace around.

 

* * *

 

Of course he did not hurry, and no amount of foot-tapping, fidgeting, or eye-rolling could hasten him any. When we stepped out of the cave again, the grey dusk had settled already and obscured the way back. At first, we only had to go up, though. While I trudged up the hill, I hoped that Hethrir had remembered to put a beacon into the cave this time, so he could find it on his own the next time.

Of course, it was completely his fault. He probably had his eyes on the horizon again, instead of on his feet. A dangerous attitude on such a tricky planet, but he was probably plotting galaxy dominion. Anyway, he stepped right into the only patch of drift-snow for miles around. I saw him sinking slowly into the ground and thought that this was the best thing that had happened for a long time. Smirking I approached him, but he didn't seem troubled at all.

"You know what will happen to your daughter if I don't return," he simply said, holding out his hand.

"Pulling won't help any," I grated. Wonderful, now I had to save that bastard blackmailer, too. I climbed a little higher on the slope, took aim and ran. I hit him in the chest, which was now low enough for me to reach, and the impact pulled him free of the drift-snow. The velocity also turned us into a ball of limbs and tumbled us right back to the bottom of the hill. And as if that had not been enough, a small avalanche raced after us and buried us next to the wall of ice.

Exasperated, I dug my way out, ready to shout at Lord 'Daydreaming' Hethrir, but he didn't come up. I waited for some time, staring at the heap of snow, but nothing moved. If he died, Sienna was dead. I dug into the snow with a vengeance, releasing all my anger into the white mass until I roughly hauled th e  Firrerreo o ut. He didn't move.

Great, just great. So he couldn't stand the cold well. Wonderful, he should have donned at least one more overcoat in that case. I punched his shoulder. Nothing. Loth to touch him, it took me some time before I slapped his face carefully. Nothing, he was out for good. I hoisted the limp figure over my shoulder and began to trudge back to the shelter of the caves, wishing with every step that I could just drop him and leave to freeze.

But I couldn't. I just couldn't. Because if I did, I could not look my daughter in the eye. I would not  _have_ a daughter, if he didn't return from this trip alive. How I hated him. I dragged him into a sheltered corner and made sure he had no direct contact with the ground. He was cold as ice, still, his pulse was slow and his breath shallow.

Why couldn't I just let him die here?

Angry with myself I flopped down on a nearby rock and dumped my face in my right hand, clutching at my temples.

 

* * *

 

We could not get back today, th at much was clear. Even if he regained consciousness on the spot and had the Jedi powers to restore himself immediately, it was now too dark for me to find the way. Which meant I had to spend the night with Lord Hethrir. What a wonderful idea. Clenching and unclenching my teeth I tried to chase all unbidden images out of my head - those happier ones from years ago as well as those that had assaulted me on the trip here.

Under these circumstances I would much prefer him to stay unconscious until dawn. The nights on Ilum were much colder than freezing, and somehow you had to keep warm. I swallowed the gall that rose in my throat. If I had know this all those years back, I would have shot him the moment I saw him. I thought of Sienna and felt I was wrong. I thought of her father, a smile tugging at my lips and I  _knew_ I was wrong.

Even if I wanted nothing more than to throttle the unconscious man, he had, certainly unintentionally, given me something that was worth to return to. So I would return, even if it meant I had to spend the night with that piece of poodoo.

He could make me cower and obey; he could threaten me into submission and take whatever I had for self-esteem and dignity, but he could never take my love. He wouldn't recognize the concept, even if it bred pink hearts in his beard. It was probably my duty to pity him for that, but as long as he threatened my daughter, I could only hate him.

I searched his clothes for the small lamp he had, and with the tiny cone of light, began to look for the most suitable place to sleep. I remembered a small niche not far away and if I managed to isolate it well enough, we had a chance. My muttered curses echoed from the walls while I made slow progress.

Fortunately, my memory was very good. I found the niche without much searching. It was just big enough to hold two and all three walls bordered to the inside of the caves. Carefully, I set the lamp down and began shovelling splinters of stone and crystal into it. My fingers froze up in record time, but I didn't care. Only when the niche's floor was filled with rubble several inches high, I stopped, straightened it out a little and returned to Hethrir.

The Sith Lord was still unconscious. Probably the Firrerreo couldn't handle cold well. Big bunch of bad luck. Sticking the lamp between my teeth, I pulled Hethrir onto my shoulder again. At least, he was not overweight, I had enough problems moving him already. It took me ages to reach the niche this time, and the sound of Hethrir's feet dragging over the ground grated on my nerves.

I was just happy, when I could finally drop him again. Maybe it was the impact on the ground that brought him back to his senses, he opened his eyes a slit and peered warily around.

"Welcome in the land of the living," I said, while I peeled myself out of my overcoat. Diligently I placed it over the rubble I had assorted, with the fur covered side up. From the noise that came from Hethrir, he was trying to stand up, but not very successful at it. I smirked, but carefully made my face a blank before I turned.

Hethrir had managed to stand up, leaning heavily on a wall. The small clouds of freezing breath were still irregular, but he was obviously coming around. Great, just when I was through with the work. And just when I would have preferred him unconscious. I steeled my self and took of my jacket.

"Sit down in the niche already," I told him. "And take that cloak off."

His eyes snapped open, but he didn't move - probably couldn't. I sighed, it would have been  _so_ much easier with him passed out. Putting down my jacket, I took his arm and pulled him away from the wall. As I had expected, his stand was less than secure.

"Concentrate on standing, and I'll do the rest."

He snorted and was less than cooperative, when I tried to get his cloak off. Those huge robe-like affairs might be very impressive and comfy to wear, but it was almost impossible to peel a reluctant, and almost swooning, owner out of them.

"It is amazing that you should be so keen on undressing me," he taunted. "I thought you had overcome that notion by now."

I ignored him and fumbled with claps at his neck. Frozen fingers were not an advantage in this situation. I felt stupid and helpless – and very angry.

"In my memory, your touch was a lot gentler, but maybe that is just because we more often than not idealize the past. Maybe I should have kept you a bit longer to put that memory to its right place." A glint came into his eye. "But we both know, that used commodities are not as valuable."

I almost kicked him into his own valuables at that point. How dread he? If only I could just let him die. Though I would certainly vent my frustration on him first. Well, it would have to wait.

"Do you want to live, or do you want to die?" I snapped at him in frustration. "It's not as if I was doing this for my own pleasure, and if it was only my life in the line, well, we'd both be pretty dead already. So just shut up!"

Amazingly enough, he did shut up and stopped hampering me. In no time I had the cloak, and managed to manoeuvre Herthrir into the corner of the niche with my overcoat between his back and the wall. He seemed to have gotten the situation we were in, but even without Jedi senses, I felt waves of apprehension and disgust coming from him. I just hoped that the fact I reciprocated those feelings came across as well.

Still, I snuggled up at his side, glad we were at least fully dressed, and arranged the remaining cloak around us. My jacket turned into a hood for two and soon only our faces were exposed to the cold. I was definitely uncomfortable. Cuddling up with a guy whose throat you want to rip out, was not an agreeable experience. And if it hadn't been for Sienna…. Freezing to death was not that bad. Once you stopped to feel the cold you drifted off into sleep and that was that.

I closed my eyes and swallowed hard. No matter how I hated it, no matter what else would come, I had to live through this. I had something to return to, regardless of all this. My body shivered violently, but not because of the cold. With the two of us bundled together, the coats kept us warm enough.

"Stop that," Hethrir growled. But the poison in his tone was missing. I could feel the trembling of his muscles as they tried desperately to keep him warm. If I hadn't been so miserable, the thought of him having to suffer more than me, would have been a very pleasant one.

But right now, I just wanted the night be over, to see the dim light of morning creep over the walls of the cave. I sighed and hugged myself tightly. I wanted to rock myself back and forth, but that would allow too much cold air under our precarious shelter. Silence dropped between us like a dead bird. In turn I tensed and relaxed, to keep my shaking under control. The temperature was falling constantly and my breath turned into tiny flakes that settled in a white heap on the coat.

"Can't you hold still for a minute," Hethrir snarled, but again, his heart was not in the threat.

"And can't you use your uber-great Force powers for something useful, like keep us warm?" I snapped back.

"I am."

I chortled and almost choked on it. "Then your powers are either just about as big as mine, or you really suck at this. Don't they teach practical stuff like this at Sith Academy?"

I felt him stiffen. "The talents in the Force are different for everybody. But of course, that is something you know nothing about."

"Tell me about it, super hero. At least I don't trip into the only patch of drift-snow for miles around. Which, right here and now, is much more useful than any mind trick you have up your sleeve."

"It is understandable that you are jealous of my abilities, when yours-"

I didn't let him finish. "You thought I had it. All those year back, when you took me away. You thought I could use the Force. And when it turned out, I couldn't you just dropped me like a rotting womp rat."

He didn't answer. He did not have to. We both knew I was right.

"You should be happy about it," he finally said. "If you had been a real Force sensitive, I would have recruited your daughter at any rate. Maybe I will still."

Now it was my turn to stiffen.

"You are so easy to manipulate, Kayary," he sighed.

"So what?"

"It is not much fun, you are no challenge at all." He shifted his weight a little.

"Go to hell, Hethrir," I murmured.

He chuckled and then silence fell again. I tried to sleep, which was difficult. Besides sitting curled up in a rather inconvenient position, I was also huddled up with the winner of the Galaxy's Greatest Bastard Award. There was no avoiding him. At least, his muscles had stopped trembling and, if I really concentrated, I could make myself believe that he was not there. Almost.

Falling asleep was not as easy as I had hoped. Time and again I ended up leaning on Hethrir's shoulder, that last place I wanted to be caught, even dead. Every time, I jerked my head up, pulling right away from the edge of sleep. The dark Jedi didn't seem to notice. But neither was he asleep, his breath was too slow and regular for that. Probably some kind of trance or such. I listened to his breath, and before I knew, the world slowly faded to black.

I was awake long before the first threads of grey light found their way into the cave. Hethrir was sleeping the deep and untroubled sleep of those who had sold their conscience, or, more likely, shot it themselves. I waited, huddled up and feeling decidedly angry while I waited for the morning. The night had passed fast enough and we had not been as cold as I had feared. It had probably been my seething hate for Hethrir that upped the temperature a few notches.

As soon as it was light enough to see, I began to stretch my protesting muscles. As planned, Hethrir awoke from my movements – or it might have been the grumbling of my stomach.

"This time you follow my lead," I told him, while I put my jacket and overcoat back on. "If you manage that, we have indeed a chance to return to the _Starkiller_ alive."

He snorted. "You seem to forget that without me, you would have frozen to death."

"You seem to forget, that without you, I wouldn't even be here. " I mocked him. "You seem to forget that it was not me who stepped right into the drift-snow, neither was it me that collapsed from the cold. You go on telling me where I would be without you, and I might just hit you."

"Well, where would you be, without me?"

"Buried right here," I snapped. "Or wherever the Republic has relocated the people of the village. I'm not stupid! But at least I realize when I'm out of my depth and don't go strutting around endangering everybody else." I pivoted on the spot and rammed my index finger into his chest. "So until we are back at my ship, you do what I tell you!"

To my utter annoyance, he chuckled. "You are much more entertaining, when on the edge of loosing temper, my dear." He took my finger and scrutinized it, before he dropped it. "A shame that I do not have use for another clown."

I was not sure if I flushed out of anger or embarrassment. Huffing I stalked away and didn't bother to see if he followed. This time we got to the _Starkiller_ without dramatic incidents. I lost my way once or twice, and that was it. Unfreezing the ramp took a few minutes, but then I was off, blazing a hole into the surface that could be seen from Coruscant.

Once we entered hyperspace, I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding. Still, I knew I would only relax when Hethrir had left. I couldn't wait.

Unfortunately, he had not meant 'dropping him on Bilbringi' literally. I would have jettisoned him without a second thought and congratulated myself on the good deed for the day. And the moment the _Starkiller_ touched the ground, I was already contacting space control for the leave to depart again. One planet was not big enough to hold me and Hethrir. Hell, the whole _galaxy_ was not big enough for the two of us!

I escorted the Firrerreo all the way to the hatch, just to make sure he really departed.

"We will meet again, Kayary," he said just before he reached the end of the ramp. His tone was indicating a threat and much too self-satisfaction.

I lost my temper. "You can bet on that," I snarled and shoved him from my ship.

He stumbled under the sudden assault, but as soon as he regained his balance, he smiled, a dangerous, predatory smile. "Give my regards to you daughter – in case you see her sooner than I do."

It was just as well that he left, because I was close to hauling the next best object at him, which would have been my ship. I gritted my teeth and hit the close button of the hatch hard enough to make my palm bleed.

Maybe I was easy to manipulate, but that didn't mean I was harmless. I would show that Sith Lord wannabe! Wiped from the galaxy and removed from the minds of men, that was what he soon would be. I would make Skywalker see to that.


End file.
